I think we have all seen blog posts enough to know there are pretty much two types of bloggers--the "dos" and the "don't". And they all have soap boxes. You know what I mean, the bloggers who are either "do go organic", or the "don't bother, I'm still alive and have never had anything organic ever"; the "do get your child vaccinated", or the "don't because I believe, against all medical evidence, that it causes Autism".
And then there are the parenting blogs.
But these are a little bit different. I can't remember a single blog post telling me what I am doing wrong as a parent. There are plenty of parenting articles on the internet telling me what I should or should not be doing, to be sure. But blog posts, not so much. All of the blogs posts I can think of go something along the lines of "Stop Judging Me For . . ." All of them. Some try to be uplifting in their approach, telling other mothers that whatever level of parenting they're at, they're doing a great job and no one can tell them any differently. Some are more along the lines of "eff you, I'll do what I want and I'm tired of your judgments". But they all have one thing in common--a call to the world to stop judging mothers.
So, here's the thing, the real reason why I'm writing this--all of these blog posts are something along the lines of "I don't judge you. Please don't judge me." And yet, more and more people are writing the exact same thing. We don't yell about the latest celeb giving out parenting advice, even when it seems a little weird to mainstream society (like breastfeeding a preschooler). But we'll yell that we feel judged for not doing it, despite the fact there are very few Americans who breastfeed for that long.
Or how about the whole "crunchy" debate. Most of my friends and I like to be all natural in our approach to life as much as we can reasonably afford. All natural foods with as few additives as possible, all natural laundry detergents and household cleaners, organic foods, etc. But where I differ quite strongly from most of my friends is on the vaccination debate. I'm sure you can guess what camp I defend on my soap box. And sorry, but no matter how much I love the environment, I'm still not switching to cloth diapers. But I don't judge my friends who do. On the diaper debate, I applaud those who have the stomach for cloth. Neither do I judge my friends who choose not to vaccinate their children, though I will hotly argue the Autism thing to the ground!
So, why are there so many "camps" and "teams".
It reminds me of the uber-popular Twilight series and "Team Edward" vs. "Team Jacob" debate. And it's every bit as ridiculous to me! (*Cause Jacob was clearly the better choice until he became just as manipulative as Edward in the third book.) But really, talk about a ridiculous division! We all knew how the story was going to go, at least up until the end of the third book, so why the "teams"?
People have this need to label everything. Especially Americans. We have labels for absolutely everything, and then we seek the quickest and easiest fix--even though it's usually a band-aid fix--so we can get on with our lives. For instance, America has the highest rate of ADHD diagnoses, and subsequently the highest Ritalin and Concerta prescriptions. We also have an alarming antidepressant rate, with no scientific evidence to back up drugs' claims at all. (Other countries have higher rates of therapy.) But I digress.
People are competitive by nature. Competition is what drives evolution and kept the human race going through three near-extinction episodes. So when we all gather round for one reason or another, and we open our mouths about almost anything, it's easy to see how and why it quickly becomes a competition. We don't mean to do this. And we certainly don't mean to make our friends feel like we're judging them. But for as instinctual as the competition is, it's also instinctual to feel judged. It's the other half of the competition dichotomy.
So now we have labels to wear like badges of honor as we compete for Mommy of the Year.
Except . . .
Most of us don't want them. We don't want the labels. We don't want to compete. And we certainly don't want to feel judged. We just want someone to take our hand for a moment and say, "I understand. It'll be ok. You're doing a great job." And some bloggers write blog posts to that extent. Some use blogs as a stage to pitch their "screw you" soap boxes. But to be honest, I'm a little tired of it all. It's all been said and done before.
Honestly, the chances of anyone making it through this life never experiencing judgment--perceived or real--are simply non-existent. We all feel judged by people. Sometimes daily. And that's never going to change. The only thing we can do is change how we deal with it. And guess what, we're never going to be perfect at that, either. Frankly, we perceive judgment a lot more than we're actually being judged and we react. But we can choose to let go of the assumed judgement and change our reactions.
Better yet, here's a radical idea! Let's assume no judgment! Let's assume nobody really gives a rat's behind if we nurse or use formula. Or if we recycle or not. Because most people really aren't going to give you another thought once the moment has passed. Educate yourself with sound science before making decisions as potentially impactful as vaccinations and pharmaceuticals. And then be secure in your choices, knowing you made the decision that was best for you based on the information you had at the time.When you honestly feel you made the best decision for you and your family, other people's opinions don't matter much anyway.
I propose you make new friends! If you're feeling so judged that
you have to write a blog post about it, it's time to make new friends!
If you're feeling overwhelmed at what a crappy job your doing raising
your kids with non-biodegradable diapers, it's time to get new friends.
If you feel judged because your kid is behind in school--well, welcome
to the club. Find a few friends, throw
yourself a 5 second pity party, and then get out of your own head for a
while. Go do something else besides reading blog posts about parenting
style pros and cons. Start a support group, or a mom's only play date
and make new friends!
And then ditch the friends who do judge you!!! First, talk to your friends who make you feel like they're judging you, and explain how they make you feel and how they do it. Ask them for their side of things and some possible solutions before you write them off. But if you still feel judged after multiple attempts, then it's time to move on. There have been several people that I no longer associate with for this very reason. There are also people that I just may not talk to as often, or we avoid certain topics, so we can maintain a healthy friendship. And that's ok!
We all need to feel loved and supported. And it needs to start from within. Become your own best friend. We need to build our self-confidence up a bit so that when judgment does come along, it doesn't matter. (And then teach our children how to do the same!) What some random stranger on the internet thinks of me is in no way going to change who I am or how I live my life. To be honest, very few friends even have that much influence over me. Why? Because I know I'm doing the best I can. I choose to acknowledge I'm not perfect, and I don't expect anyone else to be either. I seek help from people I trust when I need it. And I'm always seeking to improve myself and the knowledge that I base decisions on. At the end of the day, who can ask more than that? Absolutely no one. And no one can judge me for it, either.
So can we all stop assuming just because someone has a difference of opinion that they must be judging us as a result? And when someone seeks to expand our knowledge, can everyone please start assuming it comes from a place of love and concern, rather than a "holier than thou" attitude and a place of judgment?
. . . Please?
*This was my attempt at a little humor, though it's still completely true. And no matter how much people deny it now, they used to love the series. So don't judge me for admitting to it! ;-)
Monday, February 10, 2014
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
The Great Christmas Tree Debate
I have heard a lot of debate over a real Christmas tree verses a fake one. So here is my two cents.
I love the smell of a real tree. But I hate the clean up, the water that always gets spilled, and the needles that fall off before Christmas even arrives creating more for me to vacuum. Plus, the time it takes to wrap, and then unwrap, the lights takes forever. And if it's not taking forever, the tree just doesn't look as good.
A fake tree, on the other hand, you can get pre-lit, "needle" loss is minimal, and you don't have to worry about the water. Bonus, it's much cheaper to buy a fake tree (especially if you wait until the day after Christmas) once, instead of a real one every year. Huge downside, though, is the lack of smell. And we always remember the smells of the holidays just as much, if not more than, everything else.
So, here is my solution: Buy the fake tree. The day after Christmas everything goes on sale to around 50% off at most stores. So if you want to spend about the same amount for a fake tree as what you pay for a real one, the day after Christmas is the time to do it. Fake trees are just so much easier; and really, the holidays cause enough stress as we're running around trying to find that perfect gift, attending all of the parties and events, etc.
For that wonderful, piney smell go visit your nearest tree lot, take a couple of dollars with you, and ask them for some of their cuttings. They'll give them to you for free. The money is for a tip so they'll continue to give us the clippings for free.
You can use the clippings in all kinds of ways to both decorate and "smell up" your home. I put mine in a pretty basket and add pine cones and fake berries. I also put a large bundle of clippings in a box, poke a bunch of holes all over it, and leave it under the tree. It only takes 5 minutes to make both and the clean up is so easy! Just grab the box and toss it in the trash. One good vacuuming after everything is taken down is all you need. Plus, no sap on the carpet! Bonus!!! Another tip, if you leave the box in the path of the heater, the air flow from the furnace will help circulate the aromas from the clippings. However, leave plenty of distance so you don't create a fire hazard!!! The box doesn't need heat, just air flow!!!
You could make a wreath--just tie all of the clippings together with some brown twine, and put something cute in the center like a light-up Santa face. Or make a "table wreath" and put faux candles in the center. Just make sure to put down a cloth of some kind if you're worried about scratches, and help make clean-up a breeze. (Take the whole thing--table cloth and wreath--out to the trash in a bundle. Open it up and give it a quick shake into the dumpster, and you're done!)
If you find yourself with a lot of extra time, you can make a garland and hang it wherever you'd like. Every year, you can try something new, or stick with just the box under the tree--whatever is best for you. Maybe you're not sure if you'll have time, and that's ok. Just make sure you get LOTS of clippings when you go to the tree lot! You'd be surprised how much clippings you'll need for a seemingly small project. And you can do all of these 5 minute projects for just a couple of dollars! (Just be sure to not throw away the faux candles and berries so you can use them again next year! Lol!)
So, save yourself some time and money while reducing stress by buying a pre-lit fake tree. Save time at the tree lot by not spending hours each year picking out the 'perfect tree' when you can just get clippings. You're in and out in about 5 minutes. You can spend all that time you saved doing whatever else needs to be done--like trips to the post office. And if you're feeling adventurous, add a new center piece to your table while you're at it. You will still spend less time adding a simple center piece each year than it takes to set up and take down a real tree. You really can have the best of both worlds in your Christmas tree!!!
Happy Holidays!!!
I love the smell of a real tree. But I hate the clean up, the water that always gets spilled, and the needles that fall off before Christmas even arrives creating more for me to vacuum. Plus, the time it takes to wrap, and then unwrap, the lights takes forever. And if it's not taking forever, the tree just doesn't look as good.
A fake tree, on the other hand, you can get pre-lit, "needle" loss is minimal, and you don't have to worry about the water. Bonus, it's much cheaper to buy a fake tree (especially if you wait until the day after Christmas) once, instead of a real one every year. Huge downside, though, is the lack of smell. And we always remember the smells of the holidays just as much, if not more than, everything else.
So, here is my solution: Buy the fake tree. The day after Christmas everything goes on sale to around 50% off at most stores. So if you want to spend about the same amount for a fake tree as what you pay for a real one, the day after Christmas is the time to do it. Fake trees are just so much easier; and really, the holidays cause enough stress as we're running around trying to find that perfect gift, attending all of the parties and events, etc.
For that wonderful, piney smell go visit your nearest tree lot, take a couple of dollars with you, and ask them for some of their cuttings. They'll give them to you for free. The money is for a tip so they'll continue to give us the clippings for free.
You can use the clippings in all kinds of ways to both decorate and "smell up" your home. I put mine in a pretty basket and add pine cones and fake berries. I also put a large bundle of clippings in a box, poke a bunch of holes all over it, and leave it under the tree. It only takes 5 minutes to make both and the clean up is so easy! Just grab the box and toss it in the trash. One good vacuuming after everything is taken down is all you need. Plus, no sap on the carpet! Bonus!!! Another tip, if you leave the box in the path of the heater, the air flow from the furnace will help circulate the aromas from the clippings. However, leave plenty of distance so you don't create a fire hazard!!! The box doesn't need heat, just air flow!!!
You could make a wreath--just tie all of the clippings together with some brown twine, and put something cute in the center like a light-up Santa face. Or make a "table wreath" and put faux candles in the center. Just make sure to put down a cloth of some kind if you're worried about scratches, and help make clean-up a breeze. (Take the whole thing--table cloth and wreath--out to the trash in a bundle. Open it up and give it a quick shake into the dumpster, and you're done!)
If you find yourself with a lot of extra time, you can make a garland and hang it wherever you'd like. Every year, you can try something new, or stick with just the box under the tree--whatever is best for you. Maybe you're not sure if you'll have time, and that's ok. Just make sure you get LOTS of clippings when you go to the tree lot! You'd be surprised how much clippings you'll need for a seemingly small project. And you can do all of these 5 minute projects for just a couple of dollars! (Just be sure to not throw away the faux candles and berries so you can use them again next year! Lol!)
So, save yourself some time and money while reducing stress by buying a pre-lit fake tree. Save time at the tree lot by not spending hours each year picking out the 'perfect tree' when you can just get clippings. You're in and out in about 5 minutes. You can spend all that time you saved doing whatever else needs to be done--like trips to the post office. And if you're feeling adventurous, add a new center piece to your table while you're at it. You will still spend less time adding a simple center piece each year than it takes to set up and take down a real tree. You really can have the best of both worlds in your Christmas tree!!!
Happy Holidays!!!
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Missing the point
I seem to be missing the point of things lately. Life has gotten crazy and complicated. Just last night, my husband asked me if I felt things were more complicated than when we were dating. My answered was unequivocally 'yes'.
Now, some of those "complications" are absolutely adorable in their little back-packs and pony-tails. One of our biggest complications comes in a very tiny package. But having a little someone waking you up multiple times a night definitely complicates life a bit. It makes waking up for work harder. It turns something fun, like making dinner, into a chore. I love to try new recipes frequently, and I try to make as much from scratch as reasonably feasible. But when you lack energy, what is feasible is reduced to boxes more often than I'd like.
But our kids aren't the only thing making life more challenging lately. Trying to make enough money to live comfortably is certainly challenging for a lot of people right now. We're just like everyone else scrimping on the fun things just to get by. I started school just to create new options for our family somewhere down the road. I took a break for the birth of our third child, and I'm supposed to start back this January. But truth is I don't want to. I'd much rather take a little more time with my baby before the chaos of school takes over my life again.
My husband is working on starting up a business. That's been a very difficult, very expensive (for us), and very time consuming project. There have been times I've wondered if this thing is ever going to get off the ground. Starting a business certainly makes life more complicated.
But all of these complications are good, right? I certainly wouldn't trade my beautiful children for a little less stress (which would probably be in my life anyway, just in a different form). I want to get my degree and find some way to contribute to a better world that I find fulfilling and rewarding and, with any luck, lucrative. So the complications that school brings with it will pay off . . . eventually. Owning our own business will be a great source of income, hopefully, that could provide new opportunities for our family.
The question comes down to this: are we sacrificing too much? Are we letting things get too complicated and losing the balance between sacrifice and reward? Are we getting caught up in a "keeping-up-with-the-Joneses" type of mentality just because we want to take vacations to Disneyland and put our kids through music and dance lessons?
Maybe we are. Maybe we're not. It's not like there is a definite line drawn in the sand somewhere. Just because something works for one person doesn't make it a universal truth, either. So when someone starts going off about all they accomplished with small children, I just want to scream. So how is a person to tell when life has gotten out of balance? How are we to know when things have gotten too complicate, and where we get to cut back?
Priorities come up a lot in this type of discussion. Making sure you're taking care of the important things before they become urgent, and ignoring the unimportant things no matter how urgent they seem. There is always a trade-off to be made. Blah, blah, blah. The reality of it is it's much harder to figure this all out than that. So, while I'm sitting here, typing away for the sake of easing my own mind and heart, I keep hoping for some miracle answer to come my way. I keep hoping for something new to suddenly make its appearance. Am I missing the point? Is that why the answers are so elusive?
Now, some of those "complications" are absolutely adorable in their little back-packs and pony-tails. One of our biggest complications comes in a very tiny package. But having a little someone waking you up multiple times a night definitely complicates life a bit. It makes waking up for work harder. It turns something fun, like making dinner, into a chore. I love to try new recipes frequently, and I try to make as much from scratch as reasonably feasible. But when you lack energy, what is feasible is reduced to boxes more often than I'd like.
But our kids aren't the only thing making life more challenging lately. Trying to make enough money to live comfortably is certainly challenging for a lot of people right now. We're just like everyone else scrimping on the fun things just to get by. I started school just to create new options for our family somewhere down the road. I took a break for the birth of our third child, and I'm supposed to start back this January. But truth is I don't want to. I'd much rather take a little more time with my baby before the chaos of school takes over my life again.
My husband is working on starting up a business. That's been a very difficult, very expensive (for us), and very time consuming project. There have been times I've wondered if this thing is ever going to get off the ground. Starting a business certainly makes life more complicated.
But all of these complications are good, right? I certainly wouldn't trade my beautiful children for a little less stress (which would probably be in my life anyway, just in a different form). I want to get my degree and find some way to contribute to a better world that I find fulfilling and rewarding and, with any luck, lucrative. So the complications that school brings with it will pay off . . . eventually. Owning our own business will be a great source of income, hopefully, that could provide new opportunities for our family.
The question comes down to this: are we sacrificing too much? Are we letting things get too complicated and losing the balance between sacrifice and reward? Are we getting caught up in a "keeping-up-with-the-Joneses" type of mentality just because we want to take vacations to Disneyland and put our kids through music and dance lessons?
Maybe we are. Maybe we're not. It's not like there is a definite line drawn in the sand somewhere. Just because something works for one person doesn't make it a universal truth, either. So when someone starts going off about all they accomplished with small children, I just want to scream. So how is a person to tell when life has gotten out of balance? How are we to know when things have gotten too complicate, and where we get to cut back?
Priorities come up a lot in this type of discussion. Making sure you're taking care of the important things before they become urgent, and ignoring the unimportant things no matter how urgent they seem. There is always a trade-off to be made. Blah, blah, blah. The reality of it is it's much harder to figure this all out than that. So, while I'm sitting here, typing away for the sake of easing my own mind and heart, I keep hoping for some miracle answer to come my way. I keep hoping for something new to suddenly make its appearance. Am I missing the point? Is that why the answers are so elusive?
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Smiles
I woke up this morning so full of joy! I don't have any one particular thing to point to for this, I just am.
Now, before you all going thinking that I'm one of those braggers who only blogs to brag, let me tell you the reality of my life right now. I just had a baby, and if any of you have ever had a baby while on COBRA, you know how much it DOESN'T help. Plus, last year my husband had surgery, for which we just finished paying those bills last month. On top of that, my husband started a new job so his pay is at the bottom of what this company offers right now (I'm sure he'll get a raise or promoted quickly), and he works the weekend shifts for the pay differential. My older kids aren't with me every weekend, but that can be a blessing (date night!) which I have to remind myself of sometimes. And my baby, who is already a screamer, is teething with two new ones cutting right now! I couldn't tell you the last time I got any real amount of sleep with any amount of accuracy, but I think it was about a month ago. And all of her screaming has triggered more than one migraine in the last month. I'm talking the kind of migraine that takes two days to recover from. And this is just the beginning. I could go on, but that's not the point of this post.
We all have things we are dealing with. We all have challenges, struggles, and hopefully a few triumphs. Life isn't really easy for anyone. Even those you think have it oh-so-easy probably don't. Their challenges just look different than yours or mine. So how is it I woke up so darn happy this morning?
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what has put me in such a good mood this morning. It could be the great snippet I read on a social media site today about a military man who was running a 5k coming in dead last for his age group. Why would that make me happy? Because he was dead last because a little 9 year old boy asked him to run with him after being separated from his group, and this wonderful man did! That man, Lance Cpl. Kerr, is a hero. You can read the snippet here: http://www.cbs6albany.com/template/cgi-bin/archived.pl?type=basic&file=/news/features/top-story/stories/archive/2013/08/dsfsu3O1.xml#.UkhGWD_p8ac
Or maybe it's the thought of my husband telling me how much he wanted to snuggle up with me on the couch and watch a movie yesterday--our stay-date. But instead, he sweetly put his shoes back on and together we helped a friend move. We came home, and went straight to bed. . .which was still a sweet end to my day. I love falling asleep with his arm around me.
It could be I'm so happy this morning because last night, 'Amber' grabbed my finger and put it in her mouth. Normally, when she puts anything in her mouth she immediately starts biting or sucking on it. But she just held my finger there and gave me this look as if to say, "Come on, Mom. Figure it out." So I started running my finger around her gums where I discovered she's cutting another tooth! Once I found it, she pulled my finger back out of her mouth and gave me a grin. I double checked this morning, and she has two teeth that are coming in side-by-side. (Hopefully, some of her screaming will subside now that these teeth have cut!)
Or maybe, I'm just happy because the sun is shining. I really do love the sunshine! And I love Autumn. So today is the perfect day!
What's my point in all of this? Happiness is a choice. Happiness is what we make it. And I'm not just talking about "deciding" to be happy despite of all the crap out there. I'm talking about making the choices that will making living a happy life a reality. That's the part people tend to gloss over. If you want to be happy, you have to make the kinds of choices that facilitate it! Simple things like spending less than you make every month, which I know can be hard, really does make life just a little more bearable when those bills show up in the mail. Or planning date night for those nights that the kids are gone anyway. Find the positive and focus on it!
I don't watch the news because it makes me want to cry, buy a shotgun with plenty of ammo, and never leave my house! That's no way to live! Not to mention, if we all focused on the good, and lifted up those around us so that they might do the same, we wouldn't need those shotguns!
Now, I know there aren't many people who read this. Most of these posts are like a public journal, and hopefully a reminder of all the things I deserve to remember. So, future self and anyone else reading this, today I challenge you to create happiness. Create it in yourself. Create it in the world. And steer clear of the negative messages, both in the world and in your head. Be the powerful creator you were meant to be. Lift yourself up, and lift up others. Seek only the good. Create a little sunshine today.
I love you.
Now, before you all going thinking that I'm one of those braggers who only blogs to brag, let me tell you the reality of my life right now. I just had a baby, and if any of you have ever had a baby while on COBRA, you know how much it DOESN'T help. Plus, last year my husband had surgery, for which we just finished paying those bills last month. On top of that, my husband started a new job so his pay is at the bottom of what this company offers right now (I'm sure he'll get a raise or promoted quickly), and he works the weekend shifts for the pay differential. My older kids aren't with me every weekend, but that can be a blessing (date night!) which I have to remind myself of sometimes. And my baby, who is already a screamer, is teething with two new ones cutting right now! I couldn't tell you the last time I got any real amount of sleep with any amount of accuracy, but I think it was about a month ago. And all of her screaming has triggered more than one migraine in the last month. I'm talking the kind of migraine that takes two days to recover from. And this is just the beginning. I could go on, but that's not the point of this post.
We all have things we are dealing with. We all have challenges, struggles, and hopefully a few triumphs. Life isn't really easy for anyone. Even those you think have it oh-so-easy probably don't. Their challenges just look different than yours or mine. So how is it I woke up so darn happy this morning?
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what has put me in such a good mood this morning. It could be the great snippet I read on a social media site today about a military man who was running a 5k coming in dead last for his age group. Why would that make me happy? Because he was dead last because a little 9 year old boy asked him to run with him after being separated from his group, and this wonderful man did! That man, Lance Cpl. Kerr, is a hero. You can read the snippet here: http://www.cbs6albany.com/template/cgi-bin/archived.pl?type=basic&file=/news/features/top-story/stories/archive/2013/08/dsfsu3O1.xml#.UkhGWD_p8ac
Or maybe it's the thought of my husband telling me how much he wanted to snuggle up with me on the couch and watch a movie yesterday--our stay-date. But instead, he sweetly put his shoes back on and together we helped a friend move. We came home, and went straight to bed. . .which was still a sweet end to my day. I love falling asleep with his arm around me.
It could be I'm so happy this morning because last night, 'Amber' grabbed my finger and put it in her mouth. Normally, when she puts anything in her mouth she immediately starts biting or sucking on it. But she just held my finger there and gave me this look as if to say, "Come on, Mom. Figure it out." So I started running my finger around her gums where I discovered she's cutting another tooth! Once I found it, she pulled my finger back out of her mouth and gave me a grin. I double checked this morning, and she has two teeth that are coming in side-by-side. (Hopefully, some of her screaming will subside now that these teeth have cut!)
Or maybe, I'm just happy because the sun is shining. I really do love the sunshine! And I love Autumn. So today is the perfect day!
What's my point in all of this? Happiness is a choice. Happiness is what we make it. And I'm not just talking about "deciding" to be happy despite of all the crap out there. I'm talking about making the choices that will making living a happy life a reality. That's the part people tend to gloss over. If you want to be happy, you have to make the kinds of choices that facilitate it! Simple things like spending less than you make every month, which I know can be hard, really does make life just a little more bearable when those bills show up in the mail. Or planning date night for those nights that the kids are gone anyway. Find the positive and focus on it!
I don't watch the news because it makes me want to cry, buy a shotgun with plenty of ammo, and never leave my house! That's no way to live! Not to mention, if we all focused on the good, and lifted up those around us so that they might do the same, we wouldn't need those shotguns!
Now, I know there aren't many people who read this. Most of these posts are like a public journal, and hopefully a reminder of all the things I deserve to remember. So, future self and anyone else reading this, today I challenge you to create happiness. Create it in yourself. Create it in the world. And steer clear of the negative messages, both in the world and in your head. Be the powerful creator you were meant to be. Lift yourself up, and lift up others. Seek only the good. Create a little sunshine today.
I love you.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
It's finished!
I finally finished my cabled tunic! (Actually, I finished it a little
while ago but it's taken me a little while to find the time to blog.)
It seems so silly to me to have a big, bulky sweater with cap sleeves! It's cute, to be sure, but rather impractical. So, I'm working on designing some matching gloves that I can just slip on when I need them. I figure, over half the time that I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt/sweater I'm pushing up the sleeves anyway. However, this pattern is made with a pretty heavy yarn (#5 bulky/chunky) so I'm only likely to wear it when those sleeves are somewhat necessary. But having super-long gloves (opera length, I think it's called) would really be the best of both worlds. I'll have something to cover my arms when I need it, and be able to take them off when I don't.
Another downside to this sweater is that it adds a lot of bulk. I'm not a super slim woman to begin with, so to wear something that creates even more bulk makes me feel rather fat. There's just no other word for it.
While I know body issues are common among women, and so long as I'm healthy the rest shouldn't really matter, the fact is I still care. I'm still self-conscious about my weight and size. After 'Amber' was born, I had been doing really well with keeping up my workout routine--mostly Tai Chi with a little yoga. And I had been counting calories, finding myself often hitting under my daily limit even when not trying to limit myself. I was losing weight! In fact, I lost about 10lbs in about a month. The weight was coming off so easily that I stopped counting calories. And then school started up for the older two, and I found it harder and harder to get my workout done everyday.
It's been almost a month now since I was working out regularly, and two months since I tracked calories consistently. I blame the weather turning cold--rather quickly, I might add--for the sudden insatiable hunger. I'm quite literally always hungry. But I don't seem to be burning as many calories as I had been before either. Thus, I've gained back a few pounds. Not many. But when I put on the sweater, I felt like I had just gained 20. Not cool.
So, I guess it's time to get back on the band wagon. It's not that I eat bad food (very often), I just have been eating more than I need. Portion control is the hardest part of sensible eating--especially when what you're eating tastes amazing, and you know it's healthy and low in fat and all that! Plus, now that 'Amber' takes a longer nap most mornings, I can really start to get into a routine again, I hope. (Fingers crossed!) My massage therapist (who has solved my migraines!) recommended the Insanity workout. It certainly lives up to its name! But I'm so ready for those kinds of results! I could be looking so good by Thanksgiving, and be looking really great in time for Christmas pictures with my family!
Turns out, a sweater can be quite the motivation!
Another downside to this sweater is that it adds a lot of bulk. I'm not a super slim woman to begin with, so to wear something that creates even more bulk makes me feel rather fat. There's just no other word for it.
While I know body issues are common among women, and so long as I'm healthy the rest shouldn't really matter, the fact is I still care. I'm still self-conscious about my weight and size. After 'Amber' was born, I had been doing really well with keeping up my workout routine--mostly Tai Chi with a little yoga. And I had been counting calories, finding myself often hitting under my daily limit even when not trying to limit myself. I was losing weight! In fact, I lost about 10lbs in about a month. The weight was coming off so easily that I stopped counting calories. And then school started up for the older two, and I found it harder and harder to get my workout done everyday.
It's been almost a month now since I was working out regularly, and two months since I tracked calories consistently. I blame the weather turning cold--rather quickly, I might add--for the sudden insatiable hunger. I'm quite literally always hungry. But I don't seem to be burning as many calories as I had been before either. Thus, I've gained back a few pounds. Not many. But when I put on the sweater, I felt like I had just gained 20. Not cool.
So, I guess it's time to get back on the band wagon. It's not that I eat bad food (very often), I just have been eating more than I need. Portion control is the hardest part of sensible eating--especially when what you're eating tastes amazing, and you know it's healthy and low in fat and all that! Plus, now that 'Amber' takes a longer nap most mornings, I can really start to get into a routine again, I hope. (Fingers crossed!) My massage therapist (who has solved my migraines!) recommended the Insanity workout. It certainly lives up to its name! But I'm so ready for those kinds of results! I could be looking so good by Thanksgiving, and be looking really great in time for Christmas pictures with my family!
Turns out, a sweater can be quite the motivation!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Gratitude
How often do we forget to be grateful, and to express that gratitude in our everyday lives? How often do we forget to thank God, or the universe, for the abundance we enjoy? How many of us forget to teach this 'attitude of gratitude' to our children?
I've begun to focus on the first two, and feel pretty good about it. But I realized this morning that I've woefully forgotten to teach this to my kids! Sure, they're pretty good about saying please and thank-you. But I've forgotten to teach them the bigger picture. So, to set a good example to my kids, I'd like to take a moment to say thanks.
Thank you to God for the amazing life I lead. It's become blissfully ordinary in recent years; and if you've ever lived a non-ordinary life, you know just what a blessing it is to have an ordinary one. Thank you to Him for sending me my fantastic husband who challenges me, inspires me, and dreams even bigger than I do. Someone who makes me laugh no matter how mad at him I might be (it may not be "fair", but it sure does put an end to the argument), or how sad I am (gotta say, you can't wallow when laughing)! Someone to hold my hand and walk with me through this life.
Thank you to Him for my wonderful kids! They're a whole new kind of challenge! They show me who I am, often reflecting back to me the things about myself that I get to work on. They are little mirrors, and yet their own person. It's been an awe-filled journey to be their mother. And yes, sometimes I still stop and think to myself, "Who are these little people and why are they calling me 'Mom'?"
I also thank God for the other gifts he has given me: nimble fingers with which I can create cute clothes and lace, dinner for my family, and loving arms to wrap around my little ones and spouse. Thanks for the food on my table, and warm house we live in. It's all possible because of Him. (And my dear husband who works so hard to provide for us!)
And thank you to all of my family and friends who have stood beside me, through the good and the bad. Thank you for being there and loving me through the crazy.
Well, I'm off to finish seaming the sweater I've been working on (finally!), and should have pictures tomorrow. I hope. After I finish the seaming I get to add the collar and cap sleeves, but that really shouldn't take me very long. TTFN!
I've begun to focus on the first two, and feel pretty good about it. But I realized this morning that I've woefully forgotten to teach this to my kids! Sure, they're pretty good about saying please and thank-you. But I've forgotten to teach them the bigger picture. So, to set a good example to my kids, I'd like to take a moment to say thanks.
Thank you to God for the amazing life I lead. It's become blissfully ordinary in recent years; and if you've ever lived a non-ordinary life, you know just what a blessing it is to have an ordinary one. Thank you to Him for sending me my fantastic husband who challenges me, inspires me, and dreams even bigger than I do. Someone who makes me laugh no matter how mad at him I might be (it may not be "fair", but it sure does put an end to the argument), or how sad I am (gotta say, you can't wallow when laughing)! Someone to hold my hand and walk with me through this life.
Thank you to Him for my wonderful kids! They're a whole new kind of challenge! They show me who I am, often reflecting back to me the things about myself that I get to work on. They are little mirrors, and yet their own person. It's been an awe-filled journey to be their mother. And yes, sometimes I still stop and think to myself, "Who are these little people and why are they calling me 'Mom'?"
I also thank God for the other gifts he has given me: nimble fingers with which I can create cute clothes and lace, dinner for my family, and loving arms to wrap around my little ones and spouse. Thanks for the food on my table, and warm house we live in. It's all possible because of Him. (And my dear husband who works so hard to provide for us!)
And thank you to all of my family and friends who have stood beside me, through the good and the bad. Thank you for being there and loving me through the crazy.
Well, I'm off to finish seaming the sweater I've been working on (finally!), and should have pictures tomorrow. I hope. After I finish the seaming I get to add the collar and cap sleeves, but that really shouldn't take me very long. TTFN!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
"God is in the Rain"
This is my favorite quote from the movie "V for Vendetta". And while the author of this line may have had a very different interpretation of its meaning, I have come to understand this statement in a new light very recently.
The last post I wrote was really about shame shrouded in modesty. In it, I mentioned that those girls who dress immodestly are the often the ones who suffered a lot of shaming at some point, and I touched on the fact that shaming can be about a number of things--not just clothing.
Well, that very same night as my last blog post I faced one of my shameful demons. I can't/won't get into the details because it involves others. But I felt that burning shame the same as I did all throughout my youth. I felt guilt at my inability to act since I was home with my babies, trying to get them all to sleep. I felt myself sliding into the abyss called despair and I felt powerless to stop it.
My husband asked me what was going on. I tried to find that calm place inside myself as I explained it. But tears came to my eyes; and once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I was horribly embarrassed to tell him what was going on. I had been dumped by guys in the past for less; the pain of which came rushing back, compounding the feelings of shame.
In the five years my husband and I have been married, he's always been a prince. He's never judged me for circumstances beyond my control. He's always seen the best in me, even when I couldn't see it myself. But that didn't change the shame I felt--not in intensity, or extent. I wanted to crawl into a hole. But before I could, he wrapped me in his arms and told me he loved me. Those three little words changed so much.
In those three little words more meaning than I can adequately express began to chase away the darkness. Of course, the only one who can banish that darkness forever is me. I know this. I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of it up until the other night. But there were some things I hadn't let go of yet that I wasn't aware of. In truth, I think the universe decided to test my resolve to overcome my lifetime (up to this point) of shame. God sent me my husband--this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. God sent me a saint to help me through this life; one who is patient, and kind. One who tries his best to be understanding and supportive, and is never judgmental of me. Someone who still loves me.
You see, the other night it was raining. God was there. He sent me my husband, made him observant at that moment in time, and I felt their love. Never have I experienced anything so healing in all my life.
This isn't about life giving you lemons and all of that. It's about finding the strength to never give up. God is in the rain, because that's when we need him most. He's there, waiting to wash away the hurt and help us grow. With the help of his angels, people who touch our lives along the way, miracles happen. My husband is my angel. His love is my miracle.
The last post I wrote was really about shame shrouded in modesty. In it, I mentioned that those girls who dress immodestly are the often the ones who suffered a lot of shaming at some point, and I touched on the fact that shaming can be about a number of things--not just clothing.
Well, that very same night as my last blog post I faced one of my shameful demons. I can't/won't get into the details because it involves others. But I felt that burning shame the same as I did all throughout my youth. I felt guilt at my inability to act since I was home with my babies, trying to get them all to sleep. I felt myself sliding into the abyss called despair and I felt powerless to stop it.
My husband asked me what was going on. I tried to find that calm place inside myself as I explained it. But tears came to my eyes; and once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I was horribly embarrassed to tell him what was going on. I had been dumped by guys in the past for less; the pain of which came rushing back, compounding the feelings of shame.
In the five years my husband and I have been married, he's always been a prince. He's never judged me for circumstances beyond my control. He's always seen the best in me, even when I couldn't see it myself. But that didn't change the shame I felt--not in intensity, or extent. I wanted to crawl into a hole. But before I could, he wrapped me in his arms and told me he loved me. Those three little words changed so much.
In those three little words more meaning than I can adequately express began to chase away the darkness. Of course, the only one who can banish that darkness forever is me. I know this. I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of it up until the other night. But there were some things I hadn't let go of yet that I wasn't aware of. In truth, I think the universe decided to test my resolve to overcome my lifetime (up to this point) of shame. God sent me my husband--this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. God sent me a saint to help me through this life; one who is patient, and kind. One who tries his best to be understanding and supportive, and is never judgmental of me. Someone who still loves me.
You see, the other night it was raining. God was there. He sent me my husband, made him observant at that moment in time, and I felt their love. Never have I experienced anything so healing in all my life.
“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”--Vivian Greene
This isn't about life giving you lemons and all of that. It's about finding the strength to never give up. God is in the rain, because that's when we need him most. He's there, waiting to wash away the hurt and help us grow. With the help of his angels, people who touch our lives along the way, miracles happen. My husband is my angel. His love is my miracle.
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