My Journey to Becoming a Domestic Goddess: Stress--Part 1

We've all had those times in our life when things seemed out of control. And I'm sure you know that desperate feeling that comes with it. The hectic dash from one thing to another just trying to control the damage since controlling the situation had gone out the window long ago. We all have to develop coping skills for times like these, but it seems those skills come after the crisis is over. And only if we're very lucky do we remember those lessons when the next wave hits weeks, months, and sometimes years later.

I've never been good at dealing with stress. I didn't have a role model to show me healthy coping techniques growing up, leaving me woefully unprepared for the worst of life's challenges. When I went back to school for my degree in behavioral science, my lack of coping skills became so much more apparent than at any other time in my life.

My emergency c-section with my first child I didn't panic. I didn't hardly bat an eyelash when they told me she was breech and "don't sneeze. We're heading to the OR and she needs to stay in until then." I just nodded my head--all of the sudden the last three days made a lot of sense--and away we rolled. Though truth be told, I didn't handle my other mandatory c-sections with quite so much grace.

But going back to school was a very different story. And the worst part was my family suffered the most. All the stress I was under made me snappy, short-tempered, and a yeller. That's one of those things you never want to become, much less admit to it. But that's what I became: a yeller.

This is the first thing I noticed about myself that set me on this path of becoming the best possible version of myself I could be. I saw it happening, and felt powerless to change course. And I watched as my family began to change. My youngest at the time would shrink away from me. My oldest became very bossy of her only-slightly-younger sister. And my husband began to do the same things I was, which didn't help.

I took a leave of absence a year ago now. I was so sick during the first half of my pregnancy with our third child there was no way I was going to be able to keep up my grades and GPA. So, rather than kill myself trying to get the grades, and then beat myself up if I didn't make them, I took a break from it all to focus on me and my family. Best decision I could have made; and I learned a lot from it.

Besides it giving me the time and space I desperately needed to reflect on what I was creating and inspiring and seeing the things I needed to change outwardly, I saw so much within that I deserved to change. Self-care is something we talk a lot about in the social sciences, particularly if you go into a profession like social work or therapy. But I never really understood what to do or how to do it. I would go through some of the motions without it having much effect while in school, and just couldn't seem to "get it". I thought there must be a secret formula, a series of specific steps that everyone had selfishly refused to share. And that whole "letting go" thing was a load of crap.

I used my hobbies as a means to escape. It was a way to give me something else to direct my energies at while my mind kept spinning around the problems that were causing me so much stress. Thus, while I have many tatted pieces to show for all my effort, I wasn't getting any relief from the chaos. There was very little that could get me out of my head. Any respite to be had was always too short to help me feel much better, and I'd go back to being severely stressed in a very short amount of time. Escape isn't the same thing as coping.

Well, I can finally say I'm starting to get it now. No, there really aren't secret steps to take. Letting go isn't the same thing as pushing it aside, or stuffing it down. Escaping only solves the problem for about five seconds before reality comes crashing back in. Coping is about something else altogether. Inner peace. The kind that lasts.

I used to think I should only take 'me' time when two things happened: I was extremely stressed and I had the time to take. Talk about waiting for the stars to align! Trying to wait for the time to take when under a lot of pressure is like waiting for salad shrimp to grow into jumbo shrimp. It's never going to happen! It's a lie we tell ourselves all the time, that this magic moment when we can take a minute for ourselves will show up when we need it and until then we have to just keep plugging along. Not only is it self-destructive and harmful to ourselves, it's detrimental to those around us as well.

Self-care has taken on new meaning to me. Now, it means when I need to take a hot bath to relax my muscles and my mind, I take it--even if it's supposed to be the girls' night for baths. The girls aren't going to get horribly sick by waiting one more day. My husband doesn't hold that half hour against me, and I really do feel better afterward. Not necessarily because I took a bath, but because I did something for me. When it's the end of the day, and I just can't take another minute of the kids screaming, I allow myself a "time out", grab my book and go read outside in the setting sun for as long as I need to. Yes, I'm being a little selfish here. Believe it or not, it's a good thing!

Here's the most important part, the part everyone should learn and apply to their own lives (cause let's be honest, not everyone likes to be outside, not everyone likes to read, and if you're my husband you really hate both so it would be more like torture than self-care). Take the time before you need the time. Don't wait for the starts to align. Don't wait until you're ready to snap. Don't wait until you are past desperate and hanging on to your sanity by a thread. Take the time NOW! Do something small right now! It's ok! Everything will still be here when you get back! Love yourself enough to spend some time just for you so that you can spend the other time in your day focused on the other things you love. Give yourself permission to take care of you!

Since I've learned this incredible lesson, my tolerance for stress has gone down while at the same time gone up. I know, it sounds like the shrimp thing again. But here's the reality. I'm dealing with less stress every day by choice. And that's empowering beyond words. I've set the bar low--at least compared to where it was--and I'm no longer being overwhelmed by something as simple as what to make for dinner. Before, that simple thought could bring me to tears. So, my tolerance for stress has gone down in that what I tolerate before taking 'me' time has gone down, significantly.

But here's the other side of that coin: my life is still chaos. My baby is teething, and not taking it anywhere near as well as my other two did. My husband changed jobs back at the beginning of the year, and while not much has changed with that, we still haven't found just the right groove, yet. Though it feels like we're finally getting there. My second child started school for the first time this week, and adjusting to the new schedule still means setting an alarm so I don't forget to pick her up on time. On top of potentially moving, though hopefully not too far. But even that is still up in the air, which the uncertainty drives me nuts and stresses me out. I could keep going, but I think you get the point. My life hasn't gotten much easier, though the stress triggers have changed a bit. But I'm not being overwhelmed by it now. My overall tolerance, the amount I can deal with when necessary, has gone up! All because I tolerate less.

My Journey to Becoming a Domestic Goddess: Breakfast

I have a confession. I don't eat breakfast. I haven't for so long, I can't eat too early now without getting sick. That also means I never really developed the skills for making breakfast foods beyond a bowl of cereal. I can make a few of the basics, like bacon (great for cheeseburgers) and hard boiled eggs (for the potato salad to go with said burgers). But when it comes to things like pancakes, mine were never very good.

Then I married my husband, and started getting spoiled. When he was a teen, he got a job working in a diner--the kind that makes breakfast all day. He learned how to make all of those diner-breakfast kind of foods, and put those skills to use for me. Breakfast in bed for Mother's day, or sometimes just because he felt like it. He made breakfast for my family when we were visiting on summer vacation. It's something he's good at and loves to do.

But when I started re-evaluating my parenting skills, I became very unsatisfied with the kids eating cold cereal on a frigid winter morning to then be thrust out of the house to trudge to school. I didn't want to ask my hubby to get up early to make them a hot breakfast, and in the middle of last winter he switched jobs and was working weekday mornings all through training; so all of the sudden, there I was, hugely pregnant, waking up much earlier than I had been to get my oldest up and ready for school. The more she ate cold cereal each morning, the more I would think about my wonderful second mom.

My mom teaches parenting classes (along with divorced parents classes, law classes, and divorce classes) and one of the things she tells her students is to find ways to motivate your kids. We all know how hard it is to get kids out of bed in the morning, especially teenagers. So her tip for motivating them is to make breakfast in the morning. The aromas will draw the kids out of their rooms. And they'll likely get a more well rounded breakfast too. This little tip has always stuck with me, even though my oldest is a natural morning person and rarely has a hard time getting up in the morning. I feel it's important to note that I don't mind the cold cereal every once in a while. It's a good reminder to them of just how wonderful it is to get a hot breakfast. Which brings me back to my lack of breakfast cooking skills.

Over the summer, I've been slowly learning the things I need to know about cooking breakfast foods. I've gotten advice from my husband, and online. And I'm starting to get it all down. My eggs still stick to the pan a bit. But my pancakes, those once dreaded pancakes, now turn out a beautiful golden brown on the outside, and tender in the middle.

Now, my middle child is starting kindergarten. In fact, today is her first day! She's not as much of a morning person, though she does wake up in a good mood when I wake her. This morning, I made pancakes--from scratch! I mixed up the ingredients--wet and dry separately last night, mixed them together this morning as the griddle was heating--and had the kind of breakfast I could be proud of. The best part, the kids loved them! And with all that whole grain goodness, I know they're getting the best possible start to their day.

My house is still a wreck. My laundry needs to be folded. And there are always dishes in my sink. But my kids get a hot, nutritious breakfast, and I didn't even have to get up any earlier to make it. I'm not a perfect mom, but maybe someday I will be. It's all in the journey. 

My journey to becoming a Domestic Goddess: What we teach our children

There are some things that a people were born to do. Ever known someone who seemed born to be a salesman? Or maybe you knew a kid who was always drawing buildings and became an architect?

And then there are those who maybe you couldn't pinpoint what they'd become, but you could always sense they'd be amazing at it! And then there are those who just seemed average in every possible way.

That's me.

I'm average in just about everything I do. That's not to say I'm sub-par. When it comes to things I love, like reading, I'm pretty good at them. But I'm no speed-reader. (No matter how much I might pretend otherwise.) And I'm ok with this fact about myself most of the time.

There are a few things that I love enough, however, to spend extra time becoming the best I possibly can be. Like lacemaking. We all know I've got my fingers in at least half a dozen different projects, all in various states of completion, all the time. (Current projects include a crochet-lace tablecloth, a tatted table runner, a knitted vest with a lace section in the middle, a little tatted piece based on someone else's concept that I'm working out the stitches for, a crochet piece to add to my daughter's swimsuit to make it a little less ugly and a lot more modest, and a project that is destined to become a Christmas present. Of course, there may be more. This is just what I can think of off the top of my head.)

But there has always been one thing that I wanted to be the best at--one thing that I love so much I have spent countless hours trying to improve myself.

Being Mom.

Since the birth of my third child, I've become more sensitive to what I'm doing right as a parent and what I need to work on. I look at other moms I know, things they're doing that I like and things I don't agree with, and ask myself "Am I doing that?" In the process, I've come to set new standards for myself.

To me, being a good mom is all about what we teach our kids.We've always been big on manners around here, and now we're back to working on them. When my oldest started preschool, we saw a few changes in her that we weren't too thrilled with. She picked up phrases/sayings, and some behaviors that were less than stellar. My husband and I have begun to reinforce simple things, like please and thank you's, but what about the more abstract concepts like greed?

Both of my older kids have taken to wanting everything in sight (except for candy, go figure), and TV commercials have become so dreaded in my house that we record everything just so we can skip the commercials so the kids won't be tempted. But that doesn't always work. So how do we teach kids to value what they have and that while it's ok to want other things, it's not ok to beg for things and it's ridiculous to expect to get everything you want? And for some reason, our oldest has really been struggling with the concept of borrowing.

I know their obsession with acquiring new things has nothing to do with them having less than enough. In fact, I've begun to suspect it's the opposite. While we have used some of the things they wanted as goals, things to work towards, I don't want my family to be so consumer-driven. Life is not about what you can buy. But how do you teach this concept to a 7 year old?

Research has shown that children need to hear the word 'no', and need clear boundaries. Perhaps my family needs new boundaries about when it's appropriate to ask/purchase a new toy, and when it's not. The problem here is that I have no idea what those boundaries should be.

I've debated making them get rid of something before they can get something new. But does that really teach them value? I'm afraid it will decrease the value in things for them and they will come to see everything as being expendable. Another idea is to make them wait six months and see if they still want it then. So far, I haven't seen the downside to that. There are a lot of things they thought were "so cool" six months ago that they haven't mentioned since. Then, there is the idea of them only getting new toys and things on their birthday and Christmas.

The next lesson for the kids has got to be about letting go of all of their extra stuff--all of the toys they don't really play with. Until we get this lesson down, we can't really make headway in the clean-bedroom department.

Hospitals

My husband finally decided to fix the hernia that's been nagging him for the last THREE YEARS! He finally made all of the appointments, and before we knew it he was scheduled for surgery. We thought it would all take at least a month. The whole process only took us two weeks. Just enough time for my hubby to get really anxious, but not enough time to adjust to the idea and calm back down.

Well, since this is the biggest thing my husband has ever had to do medically (previously, he's only ever had stitches), he asked me to stay there at the hospital with him. I wasn't surprised by this, and was happy to do it for him. The original plan was to get him to the hospital, and while we was going through the surgery, I'd run our daughter to school and be back just in time for him to wake up. Then, after his recovery time, we could go home, pick up our daughter from school, and maybe even catch a quick nap while my family all napped. Yeah...that didn't happen.

So, I get up way too early so we can get everyone ready to go. I'm not a morning person to begin with. But couple that with my husband's anxiety and my lack of sleep, I was so looking forward to nap time. After we got to the hospital we learned that by the time they knocked him out for surgery, my daughter would be so late getting to school it wouldn't be worth driving that far to drop her off for the hour and half of class. And my hubby was due to wake up from the anesthesia around the same time as when I got back. If they delayed his release at all, we'd be late picking my daughter up from school. And my sweet girl, while she wanted to go to school, she also wanted to be there for Daddy. So, my girls and I stayed at the hospital the entire time.

Thank goodness I took my mini tatting bag. This is my "on the go" bag. It's just a little ziplock sandwich bag with a single ball of thread, a couple of shuttles, and a small pair of scissors.

I was recently asked to teach at the local lace guild. At the last meeting, I had shown them the piece I was mailing to my tatting exchange partner--a 3D rose bookmark--and everyone liked it so much they asked me to teach them all how to make it at the next available meeting. So while sitting at the hospital, I thought it would be great to make a few examples to have on display--maybe a few roses by themselves, and one attached to a hair clip, maybe a pin, and then--of course--the bookmark. Well, that's more than just a couple of roses to make and what better time to make them than while sitting in the surgical center? And I had everything I needed to make the roses in my little bag.

Well, sleep deprivation became evident in my first rose of the morning. I messed up several of the rings by adding too many stitches. Then, I ran out of thread because I underestimated how much I needed. So my rose came out much thinner than the original pattern. Thank goodness this is such a forgiving pattern. Even a little thinner, the rose turned out beautiful.

With the rose done, I couldn't help but look at the clock on the wall. My husband's surgery should be finishing up soon. I got up to look at the guys playing a game in the nearby field that my kids were watching. They wanted to know exactly what game the guys (identified as firemen) were playing. But before long, I caught myself pacing the floor and could feel my anxiety rising with every tick of the clock. Time to make another rose. At least when my hands are busy, my anxiety stays in control.

The second rose I put in an extra effort to get the pattern just right. Great way to distract myself from the tick of the clock, though the other couple of people in the waiting room may not have appreciated the "under, one. Under, two..." mantra I had taken up.

The doctor finally emerged, only about 10 minutes late, and informed me everything went really well. Though, because my husband had waited so long to have the hernia taken care of, the damage was really bad. Now, I just had to wait for him to come to. The anesthesiologist had warned me that because my hubby didn't get much sleep the night before, he would likely take a little longer to wake. It's a good thing I was warned. A whole hour after the time he should have woken on his own, the medical staff decided to give him a little nudge. We were finally allowed to go see him.

My poor hubby was disoriented and upset. He really didn't like the idea of having a three hour gap in his memory. And given how out of it he was, I figured the hospital staff wasn't likely to let him out any time soon. So, I pulled out my tatting again and finished up the last couple of split rings, wound it up, and tied the rose into shape.

The surgical center was excellent, took really good care of all of us--not just my husband. And we were right next to one of my favorite sandwich shops, Kneaders, so I decided we should have a little treat after such a long day. Originally, we thought he'd be out of there around noon. We got out about two hours after that. The girls were angels the entire time, thank goodness. And they're still trying hard to be good little helpers. I'm going to have to make them special rose hair clippies now. They really earned them!

I never did get my nap. After getting everyone home, I put the girls and my hubby down for naps while I ran to the pharmacy to get his script filled. I got in a little grocery shopping while I waited, and found a whole bunch of movies on sale that I knew my hubby would enjoy. I kept thinking at the hospital that I should get him something, but what do you get for a guy? Flowers just seemed too frilly, so to stumble upon all of these movies that I know he likes was great luck.

The girls helped make a 'get-well' card that we tied to the movies, and heated up leftovers for dinner. I was so lucky I happened to make extra food the day before completely by accident. I think I've had a guardian angel looking out for me the last couple of days, helping me get through. We were all in bed before 9pm, which I'm pretty sure is a first!

I never thought I'd ever be grateful for the C-sections I had to endure with both of my girls. But those experiences certainly prepared me to handle this one. I know all about how to take care of post-hernia surgery patients, how to manage pain safely and effectively, and the importance of making my husband get up and walk around even though it brought tears to his eyes this morning. (The first movements after 8 hours of stillness are always the worst!) And my husband has finally agreed to listen to me and not let health issues go for so long.

Today, I'm still feeling the effects of yesterday's sleep-deprived adventures. But I can't complain too much. My kids are super helpful, and my hubby's doing really well. And today, I should be able to catch that nap!

It's never dull in the Light house!

ADOS

I suffer from ADOS--Attention Deficit . . . Ooh Shiny! It's the main contributor to the 9 or so active hobbies I currently work on and the countless projects in progress associated with each one. From seeing something I want to make and adding it to the list, to having started the project and just haven't finished yet, I've got enough to keep me busy for a very long time. And yet, I keep adding more.

Lately, nothing has been able to hold my attention for very long. I manage to get the dish washer half way loaded before something distracts me. I still haven't remembered to get clothes into the wash, and that's probably good thing since I'm sure I'd forget to put them in the dryer. And my homework looks like it's written in Greek-- which, technically, some of it is. Even my hobbies are falling prey to the ADOS.

For instance, I recently discovered two-bobbin shuttles. These shuttles allow me to work with more colors in my tatting, giving the piece more variation. With the table runner I've been working on for my sister, the two-bobbin shuttle is a perfect fit. Now, I know I could have saved a little bit of money and just bought some of that tacky putty stuff and stuck two shuttles together that way. But with as tiny as my hands are, that just seemed too unwieldy to make it worth saving $10. So I bought a two-bobbin shuttle, and started the table runner over again. (For those of you who read my previous post, I decided to start over. But I'm keeping what I had done and I'm working on ideas to convert it to something else. Right now, the most likely outcome will be a costume belt. I think it would be perfect to dress up a simple, renaissance linen dress-- even if it's not entirely historically accurate.) However, I didn't even get half way through the first section of a row (a section of a row is about a foot in length) of the new runner before I put it down and haven't touched it since.

After a day of my hands not being busy, I started looking for inspiration online. I found about a hundred things to add to my list of things to tat in the future, but nothing that jumped out and demanded to be made immediately. And so, my list of projects still in the planning phase has grown, but my hands remained restless.

I went into the crafts folder on my computer and began sorting through everything there trying to find something to work on from my many planned projects there. After making several new folders to help me organize everything, and a couple of hours sorting everything, again nothing jumped out. However, my list of supplies to purchase for some projects just got a little bigger.

I went to Hobby Lobby and decided to purchase the embroidery floss I needed to begin working on my next set of pillow cases (yet another project in the very early stages that I have waiting in the cue). It's been a while since I worked on anything embroidery, so maybe this would help get me out of this funk--right? Wrong. I haven't even been able to gain the motivation to wind the floss onto the plastic holder, let alone thread a needle. By this point, I was going stir-crazy, and just couldn't justify spending money on even one more supply for a project that may not even get off the drawing board and into my hands.

Watching movies or TV shows is usually a good way to keep my attention for a little while, and usually serves as a sort of reset button. A night of not thinking about anything, just having trivial information effortlessly poured into my brain is typically all it takes to kick the funk and get back to being productive. But even the shows weren't enough distraction to keep my fingers from itching for something to do, and I was getting fairly frustrated.

I read a book, and that helped a bit. Kept my hands and my mind occupied enough to keep me focused on something for more than five minutes. And for all you Jane Austen fans out there, I highly recommend this book. It's called Austenland by Shannon Hale. It's funny, imaginative, and "Austen-y", while being relevant in today's world. A very quick and relaxing read. All around good book, though I would have liked to see it be a little more developed and a little less in confusing "typos". But, it helped. I've at least been able to completely load the dishwasher in one sitting. But that's about all. The laundry is still in limbo, my homework is still Greek, and I still can't stay focused on a project. And since it only took me about two days to finish (which I was surprised it took me that long--just goes to show how distracted I've been), I started getting really antsy again.

I was, yet again, perusing the internet for free patterns to tat or crochet when I can across free knitting patterns. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about knitting, and had found a great book of knitted lace patterns that looked interesting. So I decided to check out a few of these free knits sites. And now my list of things to make has grown that much more. Luckily, however, I did come across a few patterns that looked interesting, were in my difficulty level, and I happened to have all of the supplies for--sort of. I had to fib a little on the yarn and the size of needle. But if I didn't take to the project, just like I hadn't with the pillowcases, then at least I wouldn't have spent more money unnecessarily.

Well, this project "stuck". And the size needle I was working with was really starting to bug me in the overall effect it was creating. My sweet husband ran to Walmart after he got off work around midnight and bought me the size needles I needed. He even asked me if I had a color preference, the sweetheart. And now, for the last day plus a little, Ive been working on what was supposed to be a shawl and is turning out to be more of a scarf. Since my daughter lost the last one I had made her, and my husband won't wear a scarf, I figure I know who the recipient will be. My dishes are getting done, though the laundry is still sitting there. And all I can say about my homework is thank goodness for spring break.

Though I'm not technically behind in my homework at the moment, we're now down to the last 6 weeks of classes, so it's crunch time. It's too easy to fall behind in the last stretch, especially with all the big projects and presentations that are always due at the very end. And I'm not looking forward to it . . . at all. I'm so not ready for the break to end and the insanity to resume. And this next week is promising to be busy both in school and out. Yay. Thank goodness for a loving family (and a huge thank you to my ever patient sister who always knows just what I need, and who's door is always open when I need to run away for a little while--you're a lifesaver! Love you bunches!!!) and my needles, shuttles, hooks, and books who are always there for me, support and love me, and don't mind a little ADOS from time to time.

I must be crazy for considering this...

So I just discovered two-bobbin shuttles, and now I'm rethinking my latest project.

For those of you who don't know what I'm currently working on, I decided to make a table runner for my sister. I'm estimating this to be a 300 hour project, and so far I've put about 30-40 hours into it. And it's looking ok so far. But I was just thinking to myself the other day that I wished I could alternate the color of the leaves. I think it would help make the vines look like they're weaving better, and make it all look more dynamic and interesting. I started thinking about trying to add a second shuttle. Even though I'm new to the shuttle, I think I could make it work.

I was looking on InTatters.com, an online guild for lacemakers,  to see if anyone had posted anything like this--two shuttles AND ball thread, or three shuttles. I eventually stumbled across someone talking about their shuttles and posted links to some of their favorite suppliers. It was from following the links that I stumbled upon the two-bobbin shuttle.

What a beautiful invention! Now, I don't have to worry about tangled shuttles bouncing around, or dropping one and making a mess. Sounds like a perfect fit for my project, and of course I bought one. But now comes the question: do I scrap what I've already completed and start over so everything is more uniform? Or do I try to work what I have done into the "new and improved" design? And then comes the question of what do I work on while waiting for my awesome new toy?

Actually, I already know the answer to that last one.

It's somewhat painful to throw away 30 hours worth of work, even if the second attempt is far superior. But the size of this little strip will be different from all of the new stuff due to the extra thread running through everything, and I'm worried about the leaves on this strip (because they don't alternate color like they're going to on the new piece) causing the strip to stand out and look terrible. So. . .

Do I suck it up and start all over?

And that's not the only thing I'm thinking about starting over. . .

But that's a story for another post.

It's never dull in the Light house.

Sick babies and sore fingers

Just when you think things are going to calm down in your life, the universe decides to throw something else at you.

I was just recovering from the latest conference I had worked and was working as quickly as possible to catch up on a couple of missed tests. The previous weekend had been scheduled to be a relaxing one, but due to my sister's car breaking down at my house, that didn't work out so well. I finally got all caught up this last week and was looking forward to a weekend with my sister and her family coming down to visit again in an attempt to have the relaxing weekend that didn't work out so well the first time around. Everything was in place for a great weekend.

Then, around 5am Friday morning my oldest got sick. She's been throwing up at least once a month for the last three months now. I can't explain it. But every 3rd or 4th week she has a night where she wakes up, runs for the bathroom, and starts calling for me in between heaves. This night was the same as all the others.  I figured we'd keep her home from school just in case she got sick again in a few hours, but by evening she would be fine--just like last time. So when my sister called to confirm our plans, I told her my baby was sick, but to come on down anyway since whatever makes her sick all the time doesn't seem to ever be contagious.

Well, by dinner time, my poor girl was still not feeling well. She had refused to eat hardly anything all day, but did manage to keep down the water she was drinking for the most part. I figured after a good night's rest all would be well. I had class the next morning, but afterwards we were all going to hang out and watch movies and whatever else came to mind. . . (I'm sure you can guess where this is going. . .)

I managed to make it to class, and was able to grasp the concepts by the end despite being exhausted from getting up three times that night to help hold back the hair. My poor girl hardly left the bathroom all that day, wouldn't touch food at all, and only wanted water. Now, my oldest is already pretty skinny, and I think she just had a growth spurt on top of it. So two days of not eating and constantly throwing up was making me pretty nervous at this point. And now, she also had a fever. So I'm thinking, "Oh, great! I told my sister not to worry about her family getting sick because no one else in my house ever gets sick when my oldest does. But if she's running a fever, isn't that a sign of infection--either viral or bacterial? And if that's the case, I just exposed a bunch of people to whatever she has!"

Saturday night I found myself too exhausted to make the chicken and gnocchi soup I had been planning. Two hours was just way too much time and energy to devote to dinner. So I grabbed a frozen lasagna I keep on hand for nights such as these. After dinner, my sister popped in The Count of Monte Cristo, one of my favorite movies, and we attempted to have an enjoyable evening. We were mostly successful in the endeavor. The only down side was missing some of my favorite parts when my daughter started calling for me from the bathroom again.

Sunday was much the same as Saturday. By now, I'm getting really worried about my daughter losing weight. She doesn't have any extra weight on her--not at all. She never has. She was so pale and starting to look gaunt. I bought some Poweraid, which she drank and managed to keep down as well as she did with water. And she ate a piece of toast. So that was an improvement. But she still camped out in the bathroom feeling awful and unsure if she was going to be able to keep anything down. My sister and her family left for home before lunchtime, and soon after, my husband left for work and my girls went down for a nap. Luckily, this is where my little horror story ends.

My daughter hasn't thrown up since yesterday morning; though, I chose to keep her home one more day to be sure she was over it, and to give her and everyone else a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep. Her color is starting to come back, and her usual attitude is back too (for better or worse.) So now, other than making extra sure she eats all the healthy things she needs--and possibly starting her on a round of probiotics--things are back to normal. . . except my fingers.

Being so sleep deprived these last few days, all I've been able to focus on with any success has been my tatting. Though I was able to complete my stats homework and get full points, but to be honest, I have no idea what I put down and couldn't even tell you what the questions were. I tatted a little snowflake with what was supposed to be an angel in the middle. But as a friend pointed out, it just looks like a little cross. I haven't figured out how to give her a halo yet, which I think would solve the issue. It's just so tiny a space.

I also was able to add about 1/3 of another row to the table runner I'm making for my sister. Since she knows about it now, I can share pictures of it and all that. The concept is a bunch of vines all running together and weaving around each other. My sister has an ivy theme in her home decor, and (hopefully) this will fit right in. The runner 60 inches long and each row takes about 10 hours to tat. And with all the running to the bathroom anytime my baby called for me, 1/3 of a row was a bit of an accomplishment this weekend. However, my fingers are rather sore.

Even though I've worked up some callouses on each of my fingers where the thread rubs, I managed to tat so much that the thread has still left certain spots sore. I went down to the craft store today and bought a thin sheet of foam and some little velcro tabs that I glued on. The idea is for it all to protect my fingers, but we'll have to see how well they work. I haven't tried them out yet. But if it works, it'll be a cheap fix--and I'm good with saving a few dollars while still saving my fingers.

It's never dull in the Light house.