My journey to becoming a Domestic Goddess: What we teach our children

There are some things that a people were born to do. Ever known someone who seemed born to be a salesman? Or maybe you knew a kid who was always drawing buildings and became an architect?

And then there are those who maybe you couldn't pinpoint what they'd become, but you could always sense they'd be amazing at it! And then there are those who just seemed average in every possible way.

That's me.

I'm average in just about everything I do. That's not to say I'm sub-par. When it comes to things I love, like reading, I'm pretty good at them. But I'm no speed-reader. (No matter how much I might pretend otherwise.) And I'm ok with this fact about myself most of the time.

There are a few things that I love enough, however, to spend extra time becoming the best I possibly can be. Like lacemaking. We all know I've got my fingers in at least half a dozen different projects, all in various states of completion, all the time. (Current projects include a crochet-lace tablecloth, a tatted table runner, a knitted vest with a lace section in the middle, a little tatted piece based on someone else's concept that I'm working out the stitches for, a crochet piece to add to my daughter's swimsuit to make it a little less ugly and a lot more modest, and a project that is destined to become a Christmas present. Of course, there may be more. This is just what I can think of off the top of my head.)

But there has always been one thing that I wanted to be the best at--one thing that I love so much I have spent countless hours trying to improve myself.

Being Mom.

Since the birth of my third child, I've become more sensitive to what I'm doing right as a parent and what I need to work on. I look at other moms I know, things they're doing that I like and things I don't agree with, and ask myself "Am I doing that?" In the process, I've come to set new standards for myself.

To me, being a good mom is all about what we teach our kids.We've always been big on manners around here, and now we're back to working on them. When my oldest started preschool, we saw a few changes in her that we weren't too thrilled with. She picked up phrases/sayings, and some behaviors that were less than stellar. My husband and I have begun to reinforce simple things, like please and thank you's, but what about the more abstract concepts like greed?

Both of my older kids have taken to wanting everything in sight (except for candy, go figure), and TV commercials have become so dreaded in my house that we record everything just so we can skip the commercials so the kids won't be tempted. But that doesn't always work. So how do we teach kids to value what they have and that while it's ok to want other things, it's not ok to beg for things and it's ridiculous to expect to get everything you want? And for some reason, our oldest has really been struggling with the concept of borrowing.

I know their obsession with acquiring new things has nothing to do with them having less than enough. In fact, I've begun to suspect it's the opposite. While we have used some of the things they wanted as goals, things to work towards, I don't want my family to be so consumer-driven. Life is not about what you can buy. But how do you teach this concept to a 7 year old?

Research has shown that children need to hear the word 'no', and need clear boundaries. Perhaps my family needs new boundaries about when it's appropriate to ask/purchase a new toy, and when it's not. The problem here is that I have no idea what those boundaries should be.

I've debated making them get rid of something before they can get something new. But does that really teach them value? I'm afraid it will decrease the value in things for them and they will come to see everything as being expendable. Another idea is to make them wait six months and see if they still want it then. So far, I haven't seen the downside to that. There are a lot of things they thought were "so cool" six months ago that they haven't mentioned since. Then, there is the idea of them only getting new toys and things on their birthday and Christmas.

The next lesson for the kids has got to be about letting go of all of their extra stuff--all of the toys they don't really play with. Until we get this lesson down, we can't really make headway in the clean-bedroom department.