In my last post, I talked about learning how to deal with stress. But what about "letting go"? To me, it's long been this mysterious, elusive, unattainable concept. It was something I just couldn't understand. I would push my feelings aside, pretending I was fine. I would stuff my feelings down only to have them boil up later, often triggered by something incredibly small.
I'm still not the best at letting things go. Only recently have I begun to really understand just what that means and maybe how to do it. Just this week I've
been struggling with feeling like I was being attacked or not accepted. I
get to find a gentle way of addressing the issues with those involved.
Ignoring it only makes things worse. But I don't have to hurt. I don't
have to continue on feeling unappreciated, or worse, and I'm not pushing
it aside. I'm just not letting it mess with my inner peace and
happiness. How? By acknowledging the negative feelings and then searching out
that peaceful feeling inside myself. I may need to vent a bit before I
can successfully let those feelings go. I'm setting limits to that too.
Getting
trapped by the victim mentality can happen to the best of us.
Continually crying about slights and circumstances is the quickest way
to slide into this pit of despair, taking us away from our ultimate goal
of peace and happiness. Not saying anything, on the other hand, when
someone has done us wrong only causes us to stuff and bottle everything
up until we explode all over those closest to us; and usually they had
nothing to do with it.
There is a fine line between
venting and playing the victim. I was once told to go ahead and throw a
"five second pity party", and then pick myself up and move on. Well,
sometimes we need more than five seconds. But rarely do we need more
than five minutes. So, that's the time limit for venting on the big
things. Five minutes, tops. That's not five minutes per person we vent
to. That crosses the line into victim. (Maybe a limit needs to be set on the number of people we vent to as well.) No more than five minutes of your
time venting about the hurt. Then, it's time to let go of the hurt. If
something needs to be said or done about the situation, wait a day or
two until the sting has worn off, and come up with a calm plan of
action. Once you've completed your plan-- maybe you needed to talk to
someone about how they treated you--stop thinking about it. Our time is
too valuable, especially in today's hectic world, to spend any more time
on negative things.
My time with my family is too
important to me to let other people ruin it. I used to let them too, by
holding on to whatever had happened and letting it drag my spirits down.
I wasn't able to give my family all of myself because my mind and heart
were dwelling on those negative events. My family deserves to have me
present with them; to have all of me, not just the leftovers. And they don't deserve to see me upset and angry all the time. That only teaches them negativity.
I want my children to learn to be happy, to be content with what they have, and to be strong, independent people. Learning the patterns of negativity doesn't teach them any of these things. I know, I grew up learning this pattern. Only when we rise above the pettiness shown us by other can our children see what it means to be independent and strong. Letting our children see us be happy despite others trying to tears us down is how they'll learn that internal happiness and not be afraid to pursue their dreams. If they see us not giving in to someone's criticisms, they'll learn their dreams really are worth pursuing and mistakes are a natural part of that--not something to be so afraid of that they never take those steps towards achieving those dreams.
These are just a few of the things I wish I had learned as a kid. How much further would I be in my life right now if I had learned these lessons sooner? But, everything happens in our life at just the right time to serve our highest good, and maybe in service to others. Thus, I share my journey with you, and maybe one day my kids will read this blog and gain insight into all I hope to teach them.
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