I woke up this morning so full of joy! I don't have any one particular thing to point to for this, I just am.
Now, before you all going thinking that I'm one of those braggers who only blogs to brag, let me tell you the reality of my life right now. I just had a baby, and if any of you have ever had a baby while on COBRA, you know how much it DOESN'T help. Plus, last year my husband had surgery, for which we just finished paying those bills last month. On top of that, my husband started a new job so his pay is at the bottom of what this company offers right now (I'm sure he'll get a raise or promoted quickly), and he works the weekend shifts for the pay differential. My older kids aren't with me every weekend, but that can be a blessing (date night!) which I have to remind myself of sometimes. And my baby, who is already a screamer, is teething with two new ones cutting right now! I couldn't tell you the last time I got any real amount of sleep with any amount of accuracy, but I think it was about a month ago. And all of her screaming has triggered more than one migraine in the last month. I'm talking the kind of migraine that takes two days to recover from. And this is just the beginning. I could go on, but that's not the point of this post.
We all have things we are dealing with. We all have challenges, struggles, and hopefully a few triumphs. Life isn't really easy for anyone. Even those you think have it oh-so-easy probably don't. Their challenges just look different than yours or mine. So how is it I woke up so darn happy this morning?
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what has put me in such a good mood this morning. It could be the great snippet I read on a social media site today about a military man who was running a 5k coming in dead last for his age group. Why would that make me happy? Because he was dead last because a little 9 year old boy asked him to run with him after being separated from his group, and this wonderful man did! That man, Lance Cpl. Kerr, is a hero. You can read the snippet here: http://www.cbs6albany.com/template/cgi-bin/archived.pl?type=basic&file=/news/features/top-story/stories/archive/2013/08/dsfsu3O1.xml#.UkhGWD_p8ac
Or maybe it's the thought of my husband telling me how much he wanted to snuggle up with me on the couch and watch a movie yesterday--our stay-date. But instead, he sweetly put his shoes back on and together we helped a friend move. We came home, and went straight to bed. . .which was still a sweet end to my day. I love falling asleep with his arm around me.
It could be I'm so happy this morning because last night, 'Amber' grabbed my finger and put it in her mouth. Normally, when she puts anything in her mouth she immediately starts biting or sucking on it. But she just held my finger there and gave me this look as if to say, "Come on, Mom. Figure it out." So I started running my finger around her gums where I discovered she's cutting another tooth! Once I found it, she pulled my finger back out of her mouth and gave me a grin. I double checked this morning, and she has two teeth that are coming in side-by-side. (Hopefully, some of her screaming will subside now that these teeth have cut!)
Or maybe, I'm just happy because the sun is shining. I really do love the sunshine! And I love Autumn. So today is the perfect day!
What's my point in all of this? Happiness is a choice. Happiness is what we make it. And I'm not just talking about "deciding" to be happy despite of all the crap out there. I'm talking about making the choices that will making living a happy life a reality. That's the part people tend to gloss over. If you want to be happy, you have to make the kinds of choices that facilitate it! Simple things like spending less than you make every month, which I know can be hard, really does make life just a little more bearable when those bills show up in the mail. Or planning date night for those nights that the kids are gone anyway. Find the positive and focus on it!
I don't watch the news because it makes me want to cry, buy a shotgun with plenty of ammo, and never leave my house! That's no way to live! Not to mention, if we all focused on the good, and lifted up those around us so that they might do the same, we wouldn't need those shotguns!
Now, I know there aren't many people who read this. Most of these posts are like a public journal, and hopefully a reminder of all the things I deserve to remember. So, future self and anyone else reading this, today I challenge you to create happiness. Create it in yourself. Create it in the world. And steer clear of the negative messages, both in the world and in your head. Be the powerful creator you were meant to be. Lift yourself up, and lift up others. Seek only the good. Create a little sunshine today.
I love you.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
It's finished!
I finally finished my cabled tunic! (Actually, I finished it a little
while ago but it's taken me a little while to find the time to blog.)
It seems so silly to me to have a big, bulky sweater with cap sleeves! It's cute, to be sure, but rather impractical. So, I'm working on designing some matching gloves that I can just slip on when I need them. I figure, over half the time that I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt/sweater I'm pushing up the sleeves anyway. However, this pattern is made with a pretty heavy yarn (#5 bulky/chunky) so I'm only likely to wear it when those sleeves are somewhat necessary. But having super-long gloves (opera length, I think it's called) would really be the best of both worlds. I'll have something to cover my arms when I need it, and be able to take them off when I don't.
Another downside to this sweater is that it adds a lot of bulk. I'm not a super slim woman to begin with, so to wear something that creates even more bulk makes me feel rather fat. There's just no other word for it.
While I know body issues are common among women, and so long as I'm healthy the rest shouldn't really matter, the fact is I still care. I'm still self-conscious about my weight and size. After 'Amber' was born, I had been doing really well with keeping up my workout routine--mostly Tai Chi with a little yoga. And I had been counting calories, finding myself often hitting under my daily limit even when not trying to limit myself. I was losing weight! In fact, I lost about 10lbs in about a month. The weight was coming off so easily that I stopped counting calories. And then school started up for the older two, and I found it harder and harder to get my workout done everyday.
It's been almost a month now since I was working out regularly, and two months since I tracked calories consistently. I blame the weather turning cold--rather quickly, I might add--for the sudden insatiable hunger. I'm quite literally always hungry. But I don't seem to be burning as many calories as I had been before either. Thus, I've gained back a few pounds. Not many. But when I put on the sweater, I felt like I had just gained 20. Not cool.
So, I guess it's time to get back on the band wagon. It's not that I eat bad food (very often), I just have been eating more than I need. Portion control is the hardest part of sensible eating--especially when what you're eating tastes amazing, and you know it's healthy and low in fat and all that! Plus, now that 'Amber' takes a longer nap most mornings, I can really start to get into a routine again, I hope. (Fingers crossed!) My massage therapist (who has solved my migraines!) recommended the Insanity workout. It certainly lives up to its name! But I'm so ready for those kinds of results! I could be looking so good by Thanksgiving, and be looking really great in time for Christmas pictures with my family!
Turns out, a sweater can be quite the motivation!
Another downside to this sweater is that it adds a lot of bulk. I'm not a super slim woman to begin with, so to wear something that creates even more bulk makes me feel rather fat. There's just no other word for it.
While I know body issues are common among women, and so long as I'm healthy the rest shouldn't really matter, the fact is I still care. I'm still self-conscious about my weight and size. After 'Amber' was born, I had been doing really well with keeping up my workout routine--mostly Tai Chi with a little yoga. And I had been counting calories, finding myself often hitting under my daily limit even when not trying to limit myself. I was losing weight! In fact, I lost about 10lbs in about a month. The weight was coming off so easily that I stopped counting calories. And then school started up for the older two, and I found it harder and harder to get my workout done everyday.
It's been almost a month now since I was working out regularly, and two months since I tracked calories consistently. I blame the weather turning cold--rather quickly, I might add--for the sudden insatiable hunger. I'm quite literally always hungry. But I don't seem to be burning as many calories as I had been before either. Thus, I've gained back a few pounds. Not many. But when I put on the sweater, I felt like I had just gained 20. Not cool.
So, I guess it's time to get back on the band wagon. It's not that I eat bad food (very often), I just have been eating more than I need. Portion control is the hardest part of sensible eating--especially when what you're eating tastes amazing, and you know it's healthy and low in fat and all that! Plus, now that 'Amber' takes a longer nap most mornings, I can really start to get into a routine again, I hope. (Fingers crossed!) My massage therapist (who has solved my migraines!) recommended the Insanity workout. It certainly lives up to its name! But I'm so ready for those kinds of results! I could be looking so good by Thanksgiving, and be looking really great in time for Christmas pictures with my family!
Turns out, a sweater can be quite the motivation!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Gratitude
How often do we forget to be grateful, and to express that gratitude in our everyday lives? How often do we forget to thank God, or the universe, for the abundance we enjoy? How many of us forget to teach this 'attitude of gratitude' to our children?
I've begun to focus on the first two, and feel pretty good about it. But I realized this morning that I've woefully forgotten to teach this to my kids! Sure, they're pretty good about saying please and thank-you. But I've forgotten to teach them the bigger picture. So, to set a good example to my kids, I'd like to take a moment to say thanks.
Thank you to God for the amazing life I lead. It's become blissfully ordinary in recent years; and if you've ever lived a non-ordinary life, you know just what a blessing it is to have an ordinary one. Thank you to Him for sending me my fantastic husband who challenges me, inspires me, and dreams even bigger than I do. Someone who makes me laugh no matter how mad at him I might be (it may not be "fair", but it sure does put an end to the argument), or how sad I am (gotta say, you can't wallow when laughing)! Someone to hold my hand and walk with me through this life.
Thank you to Him for my wonderful kids! They're a whole new kind of challenge! They show me who I am, often reflecting back to me the things about myself that I get to work on. They are little mirrors, and yet their own person. It's been an awe-filled journey to be their mother. And yes, sometimes I still stop and think to myself, "Who are these little people and why are they calling me 'Mom'?"
I also thank God for the other gifts he has given me: nimble fingers with which I can create cute clothes and lace, dinner for my family, and loving arms to wrap around my little ones and spouse. Thanks for the food on my table, and warm house we live in. It's all possible because of Him. (And my dear husband who works so hard to provide for us!)
And thank you to all of my family and friends who have stood beside me, through the good and the bad. Thank you for being there and loving me through the crazy.
Well, I'm off to finish seaming the sweater I've been working on (finally!), and should have pictures tomorrow. I hope. After I finish the seaming I get to add the collar and cap sleeves, but that really shouldn't take me very long. TTFN!
I've begun to focus on the first two, and feel pretty good about it. But I realized this morning that I've woefully forgotten to teach this to my kids! Sure, they're pretty good about saying please and thank-you. But I've forgotten to teach them the bigger picture. So, to set a good example to my kids, I'd like to take a moment to say thanks.
Thank you to God for the amazing life I lead. It's become blissfully ordinary in recent years; and if you've ever lived a non-ordinary life, you know just what a blessing it is to have an ordinary one. Thank you to Him for sending me my fantastic husband who challenges me, inspires me, and dreams even bigger than I do. Someone who makes me laugh no matter how mad at him I might be (it may not be "fair", but it sure does put an end to the argument), or how sad I am (gotta say, you can't wallow when laughing)! Someone to hold my hand and walk with me through this life.
Thank you to Him for my wonderful kids! They're a whole new kind of challenge! They show me who I am, often reflecting back to me the things about myself that I get to work on. They are little mirrors, and yet their own person. It's been an awe-filled journey to be their mother. And yes, sometimes I still stop and think to myself, "Who are these little people and why are they calling me 'Mom'?"
I also thank God for the other gifts he has given me: nimble fingers with which I can create cute clothes and lace, dinner for my family, and loving arms to wrap around my little ones and spouse. Thanks for the food on my table, and warm house we live in. It's all possible because of Him. (And my dear husband who works so hard to provide for us!)
And thank you to all of my family and friends who have stood beside me, through the good and the bad. Thank you for being there and loving me through the crazy.
Well, I'm off to finish seaming the sweater I've been working on (finally!), and should have pictures tomorrow. I hope. After I finish the seaming I get to add the collar and cap sleeves, but that really shouldn't take me very long. TTFN!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
"God is in the Rain"
This is my favorite quote from the movie "V for Vendetta". And while the author of this line may have had a very different interpretation of its meaning, I have come to understand this statement in a new light very recently.
The last post I wrote was really about shame shrouded in modesty. In it, I mentioned that those girls who dress immodestly are the often the ones who suffered a lot of shaming at some point, and I touched on the fact that shaming can be about a number of things--not just clothing.
Well, that very same night as my last blog post I faced one of my shameful demons. I can't/won't get into the details because it involves others. But I felt that burning shame the same as I did all throughout my youth. I felt guilt at my inability to act since I was home with my babies, trying to get them all to sleep. I felt myself sliding into the abyss called despair and I felt powerless to stop it.
My husband asked me what was going on. I tried to find that calm place inside myself as I explained it. But tears came to my eyes; and once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I was horribly embarrassed to tell him what was going on. I had been dumped by guys in the past for less; the pain of which came rushing back, compounding the feelings of shame.
In the five years my husband and I have been married, he's always been a prince. He's never judged me for circumstances beyond my control. He's always seen the best in me, even when I couldn't see it myself. But that didn't change the shame I felt--not in intensity, or extent. I wanted to crawl into a hole. But before I could, he wrapped me in his arms and told me he loved me. Those three little words changed so much.
In those three little words more meaning than I can adequately express began to chase away the darkness. Of course, the only one who can banish that darkness forever is me. I know this. I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of it up until the other night. But there were some things I hadn't let go of yet that I wasn't aware of. In truth, I think the universe decided to test my resolve to overcome my lifetime (up to this point) of shame. God sent me my husband--this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. God sent me a saint to help me through this life; one who is patient, and kind. One who tries his best to be understanding and supportive, and is never judgmental of me. Someone who still loves me.
You see, the other night it was raining. God was there. He sent me my husband, made him observant at that moment in time, and I felt their love. Never have I experienced anything so healing in all my life.
This isn't about life giving you lemons and all of that. It's about finding the strength to never give up. God is in the rain, because that's when we need him most. He's there, waiting to wash away the hurt and help us grow. With the help of his angels, people who touch our lives along the way, miracles happen. My husband is my angel. His love is my miracle.
The last post I wrote was really about shame shrouded in modesty. In it, I mentioned that those girls who dress immodestly are the often the ones who suffered a lot of shaming at some point, and I touched on the fact that shaming can be about a number of things--not just clothing.
Well, that very same night as my last blog post I faced one of my shameful demons. I can't/won't get into the details because it involves others. But I felt that burning shame the same as I did all throughout my youth. I felt guilt at my inability to act since I was home with my babies, trying to get them all to sleep. I felt myself sliding into the abyss called despair and I felt powerless to stop it.
My husband asked me what was going on. I tried to find that calm place inside myself as I explained it. But tears came to my eyes; and once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I was horribly embarrassed to tell him what was going on. I had been dumped by guys in the past for less; the pain of which came rushing back, compounding the feelings of shame.
In the five years my husband and I have been married, he's always been a prince. He's never judged me for circumstances beyond my control. He's always seen the best in me, even when I couldn't see it myself. But that didn't change the shame I felt--not in intensity, or extent. I wanted to crawl into a hole. But before I could, he wrapped me in his arms and told me he loved me. Those three little words changed so much.
In those three little words more meaning than I can adequately express began to chase away the darkness. Of course, the only one who can banish that darkness forever is me. I know this. I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of it up until the other night. But there were some things I hadn't let go of yet that I wasn't aware of. In truth, I think the universe decided to test my resolve to overcome my lifetime (up to this point) of shame. God sent me my husband--this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. God sent me a saint to help me through this life; one who is patient, and kind. One who tries his best to be understanding and supportive, and is never judgmental of me. Someone who still loves me.
You see, the other night it was raining. God was there. He sent me my husband, made him observant at that moment in time, and I felt their love. Never have I experienced anything so healing in all my life.
“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”--Vivian Greene
This isn't about life giving you lemons and all of that. It's about finding the strength to never give up. God is in the rain, because that's when we need him most. He's there, waiting to wash away the hurt and help us grow. With the help of his angels, people who touch our lives along the way, miracles happen. My husband is my angel. His love is my miracle.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Another discussion in Modesty--and shame
Ok, so my last post on this topic was rather a rant about my dissatisfaction regarding the current discourse about modesty, and our society's desperate need to change the way we talk to our children about such things. This is a topic that I'm so upset with the current state of things that I often find it difficult to talk about calmly at all. (Hence the rant.) Well, the subject has come around again (and again, and again) all around Facebook and other social media sites with all new blog links, but the same nauseating undertones and subtexts. Well, I'm happy to say I've found one that got it 'right'! One where the author doesn't take away anyone's responsibility in the matter, and doesn't shame girls either. Interestingly enough, this post was in response to another currently popular blog post from another mom. You can read the first "letter" here: http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/ , and the response here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beth-woolsey/dear-mrs-hall-regarding-your-fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl_b_3894501.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular
I'm not going to take the time to go into all of the details, but here's a quick synopsis in case you don't have time to read them both yourself. The first is a letter by a mom, Mrs. Hall, who has teenage boys to all of their female, teenage friends. In it, she tells them that it's not ok to be overtly sexual in "selfies" and videos, and that if those kinds of things come through on her sons' newsfeeds, those girls will be blocked. No exceptions and no second chances.
The second post, the response by another mother with both a teenage daughter and a teenage son was what I wish I had the words to say. She graciously acknowledges Mrs. Hall intentions to protect her sons, and to show a presence in their lives--both online and off. She then goes on to say that 1: it's not ok to deny a man the chance to learn beyond the initial reaction to a picture as if they'll never be able to think of a woman in a non-sexual way once that thought has entered their mind, and 2: this letter/mindset "shifts an unreasonable burden of responsibility to young women for ensuring men don't view them sexually." KUDOS to YOU, Beth!!!!! She goes on to address young women, as well. And really, if you have time to read just one, please read this one!!!! It hits the nail right on the head.
But I would also like to add my two cents, just to expound upon what Beth has already written. We live in a culture that shames those who do not conform to a set of standards. That shame becomes so destructive to those who have been shamed, and also to those who do the shaming. But for the purposes of time and space, I'm going to only address those being shamed. Shame is at the root of so many problems from eating disorders, to addiction, to suicide. But the effects of shame also include the smaller things like inappropriate dress and behavior.
Girls are told from so young that they must act a certain way, dress a certain way, and the only thing that matters in the end is popularity. Even those stories and movies about the "nerd girl" are all about her changing her image--even just for a night--into "that girl" who then gains the attention of the prince. Only after she's become "that girl" does he ever notice her. She's not being noticed for her cleverness and he's not falling in love with her because she gets good grades. He sees the clothes and a pretty face and that's all it takes for him to 'fall in love' with her. And that's just Cinderella. There are so many other examples that take this same plot line and mix in sexuality, and before we know it there's another 13 year old girl getting pregnant in the news.
But then, instead of sending these girls more positive messages like the one here: http://putdowntheurinalcake.com/2012/07/you-are-becoming/ we tell these same girls that they're skanky. I know, very few people have actually used that word in their postings, but that's the unspoken message that is sent to these girls, and believe--me they hear it! They don't hear that you're just trying to look out for them so they don't fall victim to the creeps and perverts out there. They hear the shame you're bestowing on them along with your judgements. They read the condemnation between the lines. And they feel the shame. Sometimes that girl will get angry that you would make her feel that way, and brush off what you said, and hopefully that's as far as the damage will go. But chances are, that's just the beginning.
That shame will eat at her until she seeks out someone who will make her feel better about herself again. She'll go looking for positive proof that how she dresses and acts is good and appreciated. And we all know who will give her that kind of attention. (Girls, trust me, you don't want the guy that looks at you when you dress like that. 'Cause at the very least, he'll be looking at every other girl, too. And no way do you need that kind of drama!) Her dress and actions won't change for the better. And those are the lucky ones--the ones who don't get themselves so tangled up in addiction or eating disorders that it kills them, the ones who don't end up prostituting either by 'choice' or by force.
That girl who is dressed up, trying to look her sexy best, snapping "selfies" in the bathroom mirror with that ridiculous duck face (pouty lips), she's desperate for affection, for acceptance. Why? Because she no longer believes she's worthy of love. She no longer believes that real love doesn't hurt, doesn't mean sacrificing self-respect, and doesn't matter one iota about what others think of you. How did she get this way? Because of shame. Because someone, somewhere made her feel ashamed of herself--maybe of where she comes from, or who she comes from. She no longer believes she deserves real love and respect. She'll lie to herself, telling herself she doesn't need anyone's approval, that she doesn't care what others think. But her actions give her away. If you look in her eyes, you'll see the pain she's feebly trying to cover up, trying to hide it away so that can't be used against her too.
How do I know all of this? Because I was one of the lucky ones. I suffered a lot before I learned I was worth so much more than what I was settling for, and tolerating what no one should have to tolerate to be 'accepted'. I know how it feels to be shamed, and to try to pick yourself up day after day knowing no one approves of you because no one really sees you. And I know now why no one could see me, and it really had nothing to do with clothes. But these young girls don't know this yet. And shaming them is NOT going to help them learn it. Only by loving them, and gently reminding them of their true worth will we ever help these girls rise above this debasement and the lies society has been telling them for so long.
One last comment, this time about the messages we send to our boys. No, you should not objectify women--and yes that is incredibly hard to do when your peers are posting those kind of pictures of themselves. But you have the remarkable chance to show her that real men will see the real woman regardless of what she's wearing or the ridiculous posture she's taking. Men of value see the value in others. They see the whole person, not just one small piece. It's easy to see what is right in front of you. But what you discover underneath it all is worth so much more than just discovering what's underneath her towel.
Don't cop out, either, by using the excuse of what she's wearing causing you to think and behave less than nobly. That's saying, "she made me do it!" Honestly, that should have stopped working as an excuse when you were five, and got caught pulling your sister's hair because she made you angry. Don't give in to the temptation to blame others. You're better than that.
I'm not going to take the time to go into all of the details, but here's a quick synopsis in case you don't have time to read them both yourself. The first is a letter by a mom, Mrs. Hall, who has teenage boys to all of their female, teenage friends. In it, she tells them that it's not ok to be overtly sexual in "selfies" and videos, and that if those kinds of things come through on her sons' newsfeeds, those girls will be blocked. No exceptions and no second chances.
The second post, the response by another mother with both a teenage daughter and a teenage son was what I wish I had the words to say. She graciously acknowledges Mrs. Hall intentions to protect her sons, and to show a presence in their lives--both online and off. She then goes on to say that 1: it's not ok to deny a man the chance to learn beyond the initial reaction to a picture as if they'll never be able to think of a woman in a non-sexual way once that thought has entered their mind, and 2: this letter/mindset "shifts an unreasonable burden of responsibility to young women for ensuring men don't view them sexually." KUDOS to YOU, Beth!!!!! She goes on to address young women, as well. And really, if you have time to read just one, please read this one!!!! It hits the nail right on the head.
But I would also like to add my two cents, just to expound upon what Beth has already written. We live in a culture that shames those who do not conform to a set of standards. That shame becomes so destructive to those who have been shamed, and also to those who do the shaming. But for the purposes of time and space, I'm going to only address those being shamed. Shame is at the root of so many problems from eating disorders, to addiction, to suicide. But the effects of shame also include the smaller things like inappropriate dress and behavior.
Girls are told from so young that they must act a certain way, dress a certain way, and the only thing that matters in the end is popularity. Even those stories and movies about the "nerd girl" are all about her changing her image--even just for a night--into "that girl" who then gains the attention of the prince. Only after she's become "that girl" does he ever notice her. She's not being noticed for her cleverness and he's not falling in love with her because she gets good grades. He sees the clothes and a pretty face and that's all it takes for him to 'fall in love' with her. And that's just Cinderella. There are so many other examples that take this same plot line and mix in sexuality, and before we know it there's another 13 year old girl getting pregnant in the news.
But then, instead of sending these girls more positive messages like the one here: http://putdowntheurinalcake.com/2012/07/you-are-becoming/ we tell these same girls that they're skanky. I know, very few people have actually used that word in their postings, but that's the unspoken message that is sent to these girls, and believe--me they hear it! They don't hear that you're just trying to look out for them so they don't fall victim to the creeps and perverts out there. They hear the shame you're bestowing on them along with your judgements. They read the condemnation between the lines. And they feel the shame. Sometimes that girl will get angry that you would make her feel that way, and brush off what you said, and hopefully that's as far as the damage will go. But chances are, that's just the beginning.
That shame will eat at her until she seeks out someone who will make her feel better about herself again. She'll go looking for positive proof that how she dresses and acts is good and appreciated. And we all know who will give her that kind of attention. (Girls, trust me, you don't want the guy that looks at you when you dress like that. 'Cause at the very least, he'll be looking at every other girl, too. And no way do you need that kind of drama!) Her dress and actions won't change for the better. And those are the lucky ones--the ones who don't get themselves so tangled up in addiction or eating disorders that it kills them, the ones who don't end up prostituting either by 'choice' or by force.
That girl who is dressed up, trying to look her sexy best, snapping "selfies" in the bathroom mirror with that ridiculous duck face (pouty lips), she's desperate for affection, for acceptance. Why? Because she no longer believes she's worthy of love. She no longer believes that real love doesn't hurt, doesn't mean sacrificing self-respect, and doesn't matter one iota about what others think of you. How did she get this way? Because of shame. Because someone, somewhere made her feel ashamed of herself--maybe of where she comes from, or who she comes from. She no longer believes she deserves real love and respect. She'll lie to herself, telling herself she doesn't need anyone's approval, that she doesn't care what others think. But her actions give her away. If you look in her eyes, you'll see the pain she's feebly trying to cover up, trying to hide it away so that can't be used against her too.
How do I know all of this? Because I was one of the lucky ones. I suffered a lot before I learned I was worth so much more than what I was settling for, and tolerating what no one should have to tolerate to be 'accepted'. I know how it feels to be shamed, and to try to pick yourself up day after day knowing no one approves of you because no one really sees you. And I know now why no one could see me, and it really had nothing to do with clothes. But these young girls don't know this yet. And shaming them is NOT going to help them learn it. Only by loving them, and gently reminding them of their true worth will we ever help these girls rise above this debasement and the lies society has been telling them for so long.
One last comment, this time about the messages we send to our boys. No, you should not objectify women--and yes that is incredibly hard to do when your peers are posting those kind of pictures of themselves. But you have the remarkable chance to show her that real men will see the real woman regardless of what she's wearing or the ridiculous posture she's taking. Men of value see the value in others. They see the whole person, not just one small piece. It's easy to see what is right in front of you. But what you discover underneath it all is worth so much more than just discovering what's underneath her towel.
Don't cop out, either, by using the excuse of what she's wearing causing you to think and behave less than nobly. That's saying, "she made me do it!" Honestly, that should have stopped working as an excuse when you were five, and got caught pulling your sister's hair because she made you angry. Don't give in to the temptation to blame others. You're better than that.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
My Journey to Becoming a Domestic Goddes: I'm now one of 'those moms'
And don't you know I love it? It just kind of hit me this morning as I was walking 'Jane' to school with 'Amber' in the stroller. I passed so many moms doing the exact same thing! lol. I don't know how I would have felt about this a few years ago. Truth be told, I never really felt like I fit in around here. I was never the type to really try. But here I am, doing what I want to do without the influence of outside forces, and I find myself suddenly "there".
Life is so often compared to road trips that it's becoming cliche. There is a saying that goes something like, "If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter where you end up." Life is like that in so many ways. But, even if you don't have a clear road map, or step-by-step goals, you can still get to where you're going in life--unlike a road trip. (Can you just imagine trying to get across the country with no more thought than "I'd like to go to the beach today. . ."?) But at the same time, if you have too vague an idea you'll still never get to where you want to go. I think that's how we can define the difference between knowing where you want to go, and maybe just knowing where you don't want to go.
I'm living proof. I didn't set out to 'fit-in' with the soccer moms, the triathlete moms, or even the Born Organized moms. And I probably never really will. But today was a sort of vindication that I must be doing something right! My kids may not ever want so many extra-circulars, and I'm not going to force them. I hate exercise and only do what I need to be healthy, so triathlons are out. And no one would ever mistakenly call me a Born Organized person. But walking my kids to school today, with all of those other moms felt so right. Not because I'm trying to gain membership into some exclusive club. It's because I felt I had reached a small, tangible milestone I could set my marker by. Something to indicate I'm on the right path, headed in the direction I want to go, and doing something "right" even if it's the only thing I do get right today.
My journey is far from over--not that it really will ever end. But that's what makes it so wonderful-- this gift called life. There isn't a set point that it becomes too late to change course. And while I might have figured out a few parenting "secrets" sooner than some, that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes or that it's too late for anyone else. My biggest struggles lie elsewhere. But I'm working on those too. So while I'm kind of starting from little more than scratch in the parenting department, all I can say to you is that you will spend time where your heart truly is. And if you spend your time trying to get better at parenting, look for the little things along the way.
Life is so often compared to road trips that it's becoming cliche. There is a saying that goes something like, "If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter where you end up." Life is like that in so many ways. But, even if you don't have a clear road map, or step-by-step goals, you can still get to where you're going in life--unlike a road trip. (Can you just imagine trying to get across the country with no more thought than "I'd like to go to the beach today. . ."?) But at the same time, if you have too vague an idea you'll still never get to where you want to go. I think that's how we can define the difference between knowing where you want to go, and maybe just knowing where you don't want to go.
I'm living proof. I didn't set out to 'fit-in' with the soccer moms, the triathlete moms, or even the Born Organized moms. And I probably never really will. But today was a sort of vindication that I must be doing something right! My kids may not ever want so many extra-circulars, and I'm not going to force them. I hate exercise and only do what I need to be healthy, so triathlons are out. And no one would ever mistakenly call me a Born Organized person. But walking my kids to school today, with all of those other moms felt so right. Not because I'm trying to gain membership into some exclusive club. It's because I felt I had reached a small, tangible milestone I could set my marker by. Something to indicate I'm on the right path, headed in the direction I want to go, and doing something "right" even if it's the only thing I do get right today.
My journey is far from over--not that it really will ever end. But that's what makes it so wonderful-- this gift called life. There isn't a set point that it becomes too late to change course. And while I might have figured out a few parenting "secrets" sooner than some, that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes or that it's too late for anyone else. My biggest struggles lie elsewhere. But I'm working on those too. So while I'm kind of starting from little more than scratch in the parenting department, all I can say to you is that you will spend time where your heart truly is. And if you spend your time trying to get better at parenting, look for the little things along the way.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Grateful for the Rain--Mostly
This last weekend, my area got a bit more rain than usual. Ok, a lot more. The canyon just up from my house had a 30 foot landslide, blocking traffic on both sides. Our local mall was under so much water some people got stranded. And my friend's house was flooded to the point of having to call out a disaster clean-up crew to come help.
At my house, on the other hand, while we still got wet we didn't flood. Baby 'Amber' really doesn't like thunder. And 'Jane' doesn't like lightening. Apparently 'Alex' told her the lightening would strike the house and break it. I explained the lightening would strike one of the large, mature trees surrounding our house before it struck the house itself--to which she responded by getting very upset that the trees would get hurt.
Today, the sun is finally making an appearance. It's shaping up to be a beautiful day! All the extra water is making my lawn look fantastic too, so we might just have to celebrate with a picnic dinner in the backyard tonight. But, for as much as I love the sun, and I'm so grateful my friends are going to be out of danger (my husband too when he goes to work) the rain was such a blessing.
Besides the fact this year was a nasty drought year (up to this point--now, I don't know if we still qualify to call it such), and the rain was much needed, I managed to get a fair bit done on my next knitting project! Yes, I started another project without finishing any of the others I had been working on. That shouldn't be surprising.
The pattern, and full picture of what it will look like can be seen here. http://www.interweavestore.com/roam-tunic It's made using chunky/bulky yarn, and with the chill in the air over the weekend, this was the perfect project! So far, I'm about halfway done with the back panel. I saw this pattern and fell in love with it. The only thing I don't like, though, is that it's big and thick and long--how I like my sweaters--but it only has little cap sleeves. While the overall effect is beautiful, I think I'd prefer to have warm arms. So, I'm tinkering with a few ideas to add some longer sleeves that I think will look great. But if I'm going to add sleeves, I'm going to have to go back to the yarn shop since I didn't buy yarn beyond what the pattern calls for.
Also, since I spent so much time knitting this weekend, the girls have renewed their interest in learning how to knit! I love it! 'Alex' is having too much fun with the long-tail cast on to want to move on to the actual knitting. I cast on for 'Jane' after she struggled for a couple of hours even with help. She was so excited about finally getting all of her cast-on stitches last night that she informed me she was going to work on her knitting in the morning if she had time before school.
Well, this morning she got up an hour early just to be sure she could work on it. She completed her first row of what will eventually be a scarf. And still had more than enough time to get ready for school. *Note: I made her eat breakfast and get dressed before I let her touch the needles. Otherwise, there is a strong likelihood she would have been late for school.
I'm feeling so blessed this morning! Beautiful, smart kids who love to learn. A nice, dry house that was just chilly enough to work on a thick sweater--and the materials to do so! And a lush green lawn, too! Life just doesn't get any better. May you be as blessed today, whatever comes your way.
At my house, on the other hand, while we still got wet we didn't flood. Baby 'Amber' really doesn't like thunder. And 'Jane' doesn't like lightening. Apparently 'Alex' told her the lightening would strike the house and break it. I explained the lightening would strike one of the large, mature trees surrounding our house before it struck the house itself--to which she responded by getting very upset that the trees would get hurt.
Today, the sun is finally making an appearance. It's shaping up to be a beautiful day! All the extra water is making my lawn look fantastic too, so we might just have to celebrate with a picnic dinner in the backyard tonight. But, for as much as I love the sun, and I'm so grateful my friends are going to be out of danger (my husband too when he goes to work) the rain was such a blessing.
Besides the fact this year was a nasty drought year (up to this point--now, I don't know if we still qualify to call it such), and the rain was much needed, I managed to get a fair bit done on my next knitting project! Yes, I started another project without finishing any of the others I had been working on. That shouldn't be surprising.
The pattern, and full picture of what it will look like can be seen here. http://www.interweavestore.com/roam-tunic It's made using chunky/bulky yarn, and with the chill in the air over the weekend, this was the perfect project! So far, I'm about halfway done with the back panel. I saw this pattern and fell in love with it. The only thing I don't like, though, is that it's big and thick and long--how I like my sweaters--but it only has little cap sleeves. While the overall effect is beautiful, I think I'd prefer to have warm arms. So, I'm tinkering with a few ideas to add some longer sleeves that I think will look great. But if I'm going to add sleeves, I'm going to have to go back to the yarn shop since I didn't buy yarn beyond what the pattern calls for.
Also, since I spent so much time knitting this weekend, the girls have renewed their interest in learning how to knit! I love it! 'Alex' is having too much fun with the long-tail cast on to want to move on to the actual knitting. I cast on for 'Jane' after she struggled for a couple of hours even with help. She was so excited about finally getting all of her cast-on stitches last night that she informed me she was going to work on her knitting in the morning if she had time before school.
Well, this morning she got up an hour early just to be sure she could work on it. She completed her first row of what will eventually be a scarf. And still had more than enough time to get ready for school. *Note: I made her eat breakfast and get dressed before I let her touch the needles. Otherwise, there is a strong likelihood she would have been late for school.
I'm feeling so blessed this morning! Beautiful, smart kids who love to learn. A nice, dry house that was just chilly enough to work on a thick sweater--and the materials to do so! And a lush green lawn, too! Life just doesn't get any better. May you be as blessed today, whatever comes your way.
Friday, September 6, 2013
The things we learn
I feel like maybe I should apologize for this blog becoming another generic, SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) blog. Lately, the things that have been on my mind are all of the same as many of the other SAHM bloggers, from wanting to be a better mom and spouse, to desperately trying to find a little "me" time in all the crazy running around we have to do. But I can't seem to help myself.
One of my goals is to write a book. I have several ideas kicking around in my head. To support myself in this, I made a little goal to write a blog post every day to get myself in the habit of writing even just a little bit every day. While I haven't written a word in any of the stories so far, I am finding that something seems to be missing from my day if I haven't managed to get a blog post up. That's progress, right?
However, that means I haven't had much time lately for tatting/knitting/crocheting/etc. We've been so busy around here running from point A to point B that we're not even going to be able to make it to the amusement park this year, despite having already purchased the tickets. Luckily, we were able to sell the tickets, so we're not out all that money. But now I have to break it to the girls. So, please forgive me for the lack of anything exciting or even remotely like what you may have been expecting. One of these days I'll manage to get back to lace.
I've been thinking a lot this morning about life's journey and wasted time. My uncle commented the other day about how much time he felt he wasted in his youth. He had learned so much about life since then, but still pauses every now and then when little reminders pop up that he could have led a much different life.
Coincidentally, my husband and I had a very similar conversation last week. For my husband and I, this is our second go-around. My husband was lamenting his first marriage, but I couldn't bring myself to do the same. (Full disclosure, I didn't marry my ex, but even research supports that a break up of our magnitude impacts us the same as a divorce.)
See, here's the thing. My uncle, my husband, and I all learned very important life lessons. I can not stress enough just how important these life lessons are! They are a little bit different for each of us, but at the same time, they're incredibly similar. (And I hope my uncle will forgive the liberty of assumption I'm about to take here. I base these assumptions on comments he's made, but I'm taking it just a step further than what he's actually said.) The details of each of our lessons are different, but we each learned about self-worth and happiness. We learned that we deserve to be loved by the person we love. We learned that we deserve to be treated right and respected for who we are, not what we are. That we are more than our prescribed gender role or labels!
Yes, I still look back at the time I 'wasted' and almost wish I could undo all of the stupid decisions I made. And yes, they were very stupid. But I learned so much about myself, what I'm really worth, and what just isn't worth it. I've learned to embrace my self-worth and wear it as a badge of honor. I'm not vain or ostentatious for doing so. I'm still fairly humble in my thoughts and attitude, and the way I approach life, though a little more outspoken than I used to be. I don't want a huge house, super fancy car, or hideous clothes all because they came from some designer label. But being humble doesn't mean suffering in silence.
I deserve to have a say in my life. I deserve to have my voice heard, just like everyone else. I can't quite bring myself to regret that time i had with my ex because I'm so much stronger BECAUSE of that time and the pain I went through, not in spite of it. I am the person I am today because of those experiences. Up until that point of realization that I really am worth more than I had been settling for, I had been told I was worthy and deserving, but I didn't know it. I didn't believe it. But I know it now, and I'm so grateful for this knowledge. Just knowing this has opened up so many doors for me, and has led me to my wonderful husband. It has allowed me to challenge myself to become even better, to pursue things I was previously holding myself back from pursuing. I know who I am now, far better than I can picture knowing myself through any other means.
So you see, in the end the pain was a blessing. It was a trial by fire, certainly. But that fire is something I can be grateful for. That fire, when on the outside, burned and hurt. But now, I have that fire within and rather than allowing it to hurt me or those around me, I use it for good--to better myself and my family. I use that fire to drive me along my journey called life.
One of my goals is to write a book. I have several ideas kicking around in my head. To support myself in this, I made a little goal to write a blog post every day to get myself in the habit of writing even just a little bit every day. While I haven't written a word in any of the stories so far, I am finding that something seems to be missing from my day if I haven't managed to get a blog post up. That's progress, right?
However, that means I haven't had much time lately for tatting/knitting/crocheting/etc. We've been so busy around here running from point A to point B that we're not even going to be able to make it to the amusement park this year, despite having already purchased the tickets. Luckily, we were able to sell the tickets, so we're not out all that money. But now I have to break it to the girls. So, please forgive me for the lack of anything exciting or even remotely like what you may have been expecting. One of these days I'll manage to get back to lace.
I've been thinking a lot this morning about life's journey and wasted time. My uncle commented the other day about how much time he felt he wasted in his youth. He had learned so much about life since then, but still pauses every now and then when little reminders pop up that he could have led a much different life.
Coincidentally, my husband and I had a very similar conversation last week. For my husband and I, this is our second go-around. My husband was lamenting his first marriage, but I couldn't bring myself to do the same. (Full disclosure, I didn't marry my ex, but even research supports that a break up of our magnitude impacts us the same as a divorce.)
See, here's the thing. My uncle, my husband, and I all learned very important life lessons. I can not stress enough just how important these life lessons are! They are a little bit different for each of us, but at the same time, they're incredibly similar. (And I hope my uncle will forgive the liberty of assumption I'm about to take here. I base these assumptions on comments he's made, but I'm taking it just a step further than what he's actually said.) The details of each of our lessons are different, but we each learned about self-worth and happiness. We learned that we deserve to be loved by the person we love. We learned that we deserve to be treated right and respected for who we are, not what we are. That we are more than our prescribed gender role or labels!
Yes, I still look back at the time I 'wasted' and almost wish I could undo all of the stupid decisions I made. And yes, they were very stupid. But I learned so much about myself, what I'm really worth, and what just isn't worth it. I've learned to embrace my self-worth and wear it as a badge of honor. I'm not vain or ostentatious for doing so. I'm still fairly humble in my thoughts and attitude, and the way I approach life, though a little more outspoken than I used to be. I don't want a huge house, super fancy car, or hideous clothes all because they came from some designer label. But being humble doesn't mean suffering in silence.
I deserve to have a say in my life. I deserve to have my voice heard, just like everyone else. I can't quite bring myself to regret that time i had with my ex because I'm so much stronger BECAUSE of that time and the pain I went through, not in spite of it. I am the person I am today because of those experiences. Up until that point of realization that I really am worth more than I had been settling for, I had been told I was worthy and deserving, but I didn't know it. I didn't believe it. But I know it now, and I'm so grateful for this knowledge. Just knowing this has opened up so many doors for me, and has led me to my wonderful husband. It has allowed me to challenge myself to become even better, to pursue things I was previously holding myself back from pursuing. I know who I am now, far better than I can picture knowing myself through any other means.
So you see, in the end the pain was a blessing. It was a trial by fire, certainly. But that fire is something I can be grateful for. That fire, when on the outside, burned and hurt. But now, I have that fire within and rather than allowing it to hurt me or those around me, I use it for good--to better myself and my family. I use that fire to drive me along my journey called life.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
New Projects!!!
As if I didn't have enough projects in various stages of completion (at last count, I think I had nine. And that was just a couple of weeks ago) I have just added four more!
Ok, so here's why it's not as insane as it sounds. My local yarn shop, Heinselmann's, is having their annual "Make it with Wool" sale. ALL of their yarns with any wool/silk content is on sale. How could I resist a sale like that? And of course, they put these yarns on sale just in time to start all of my cold weather projects. Likewise, in the spring, they put cotton blend yarns on sale for warm weather projects. I love this store! So, while trying to stay within some sort of budget, I went yarn shopping for some of the projects on my to-do list. Amazingly, I managed to stay under my budget (but over my husband's budget for me ;) ) and got enough for four projects on my ever-expanding list!
This will create two shawls and two sweaters! I'm so excited, I can hardly wait to get started! However, there are a few things I have to do first--like Christmas presents. It's so hard to work on things that have a deadline when there are other things vying for attention. Almost sounds like I need a game plan!
In the past, I have done things to keep my on track with things like Christmas presents when I was making a whole bunch of the same thing. When I've done snowflakes in the past, I made about 50 of the same snowflake for family and friends, and that can get a little monotonous. So, to keep myself moving forward I'd make little incentives for myself usually in the form of allowing myself time with another project, or taking a break to read a book over the course of a day or two.
Last Christmas, I made something a little different for each person. I made jewelry items, and only had repeats for my sisters, who each got the same earrings; and all the men got tie tacks/lapel pins since men are so hard to make anything for with tatting. (And you thought shopping for them was tough! lol) I found it was so much easier to stay focused on the overall project because it was like having a bunch of mini-projects!
However, I've had a few requests for something unisex this year, like the snowflakes I've done in the past. And while it's kind of a relief to not have to try to come up with something for the men, it means I'm back to making at least 25 of the exact same thing. If I tried to make a couple of different ones, I know I'd quickly lose track of who I gave which snowflake to, and people would end up getting repeats. It's much better to give everyone the same snowflake, and change up which snowflake I make each year, don't you think?
So, while I'm working on Christmas presents this year, I also get to continue in my everyday duties (My husband gets lovingly grumpy when I let the house get away from me) and try to find the time to make some of my new projects as well as finish old projects. To make matters worse, I just got my bobbins!!!
No, not the kind for sewing. I mean the bobbins for bobbin lace! (Try a google image search if you don't know what I'm talking about. But do yourself a favor and stop there or you'll be swimming in all the different types of bobbin lace.) I'm so excited! They were given to me as an early birthday present! I still need to collect some of the other hardward, like a pillow and a pricker. And lots, and lot, and lots of pins--the kind with the nearly-non-existent heads. Plus, I still need to purchase the book that will teach me what I need to know beyond the cloth stitch. Apparently, there's a bit of math involved. Who knew? (My husband calls the bobbins Barbie canoe paddles.) So now I'm anxious to get the rest of the supplies so I can really get into learning bobbin lace!
While it's not entirely clear when tatting developed, and it shares some characteristics with ancient Egyptian macrame, tatting as we know it today didn't come around until about the 17th century. Bobbin lace, on the other hand, was made popular in the 16th century--largely thanks to royals all around Europe who had it added to their clothing. Because of the royals taking a fancy to lace, lace became the height of fashion and anyone who could afford to purchase it did. Anyone who couldn't afford to purchase it, instead, made it. And each little cluster of lacemakers eventually developed unique characteristics in their production. I still can't tell every different type of lace apart from all of the others, but there are a few that are very unique (either in technique or overall appearance), and I do have a few favorites emerging. I'm so excited to learn more about the different styles and techniques as I learn this wonderful new/old craft.
But you see what I mean about my attention and too many projects! Haha. I love what I do, all the different things included. I'm definitely going to have to come up with some strategies to keep me on track to getting all of the Christmas presents done this year! Then again, maybe I might learn bobbin lace fast enough to give something made from this wonderful technique for Christmas this year. Oh, the possibilities! However, it would probalby be wiser to go with what I know for now and see what happens next year. Ooh. . . too many possibilities! Ok, now I'm just rambling.
As you can tell, it's never dull (at least to me) in the Light house!
Ok, so here's why it's not as insane as it sounds. My local yarn shop, Heinselmann's, is having their annual "Make it with Wool" sale. ALL of their yarns with any wool/silk content is on sale. How could I resist a sale like that? And of course, they put these yarns on sale just in time to start all of my cold weather projects. Likewise, in the spring, they put cotton blend yarns on sale for warm weather projects. I love this store! So, while trying to stay within some sort of budget, I went yarn shopping for some of the projects on my to-do list. Amazingly, I managed to stay under my budget (but over my husband's budget for me ;) ) and got enough for four projects on my ever-expanding list!
In the past, I have done things to keep my on track with things like Christmas presents when I was making a whole bunch of the same thing. When I've done snowflakes in the past, I made about 50 of the same snowflake for family and friends, and that can get a little monotonous. So, to keep myself moving forward I'd make little incentives for myself usually in the form of allowing myself time with another project, or taking a break to read a book over the course of a day or two.
Last Christmas, I made something a little different for each person. I made jewelry items, and only had repeats for my sisters, who each got the same earrings; and all the men got tie tacks/lapel pins since men are so hard to make anything for with tatting. (And you thought shopping for them was tough! lol) I found it was so much easier to stay focused on the overall project because it was like having a bunch of mini-projects!
However, I've had a few requests for something unisex this year, like the snowflakes I've done in the past. And while it's kind of a relief to not have to try to come up with something for the men, it means I'm back to making at least 25 of the exact same thing. If I tried to make a couple of different ones, I know I'd quickly lose track of who I gave which snowflake to, and people would end up getting repeats. It's much better to give everyone the same snowflake, and change up which snowflake I make each year, don't you think?
So, while I'm working on Christmas presents this year, I also get to continue in my everyday duties (My husband gets lovingly grumpy when I let the house get away from me) and try to find the time to make some of my new projects as well as finish old projects. To make matters worse, I just got my bobbins!!!
No, not the kind for sewing. I mean the bobbins for bobbin lace! (Try a google image search if you don't know what I'm talking about. But do yourself a favor and stop there or you'll be swimming in all the different types of bobbin lace.) I'm so excited! They were given to me as an early birthday present! I still need to collect some of the other hardward, like a pillow and a pricker. And lots, and lot, and lots of pins--the kind with the nearly-non-existent heads. Plus, I still need to purchase the book that will teach me what I need to know beyond the cloth stitch. Apparently, there's a bit of math involved. Who knew? (My husband calls the bobbins Barbie canoe paddles.) So now I'm anxious to get the rest of the supplies so I can really get into learning bobbin lace!
While it's not entirely clear when tatting developed, and it shares some characteristics with ancient Egyptian macrame, tatting as we know it today didn't come around until about the 17th century. Bobbin lace, on the other hand, was made popular in the 16th century--largely thanks to royals all around Europe who had it added to their clothing. Because of the royals taking a fancy to lace, lace became the height of fashion and anyone who could afford to purchase it did. Anyone who couldn't afford to purchase it, instead, made it. And each little cluster of lacemakers eventually developed unique characteristics in their production. I still can't tell every different type of lace apart from all of the others, but there are a few that are very unique (either in technique or overall appearance), and I do have a few favorites emerging. I'm so excited to learn more about the different styles and techniques as I learn this wonderful new/old craft.
But you see what I mean about my attention and too many projects! Haha. I love what I do, all the different things included. I'm definitely going to have to come up with some strategies to keep me on track to getting all of the Christmas presents done this year! Then again, maybe I might learn bobbin lace fast enough to give something made from this wonderful technique for Christmas this year. Oh, the possibilities! However, it would probalby be wiser to go with what I know for now and see what happens next year. Ooh. . . too many possibilities! Ok, now I'm just rambling.
As you can tell, it's never dull (at least to me) in the Light house!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Haven't posted much lace
I haven't posted much about lace lately, save for the little butterfly edging. Things have been so busy around here! With the kids starting school, and all of the adjustments to the new schedules, gardening, plus all of my husband's activities, there just hasn't been a lot of free time for anyone around here.
However, after I get the 1 1/2 bushels of peaches sorted (ripe from unripe) I'm heading down to my favorite yarn shop. They're having their annual wool sale, and boy do I have a lot of projects I'd love to make with wool! It's the start of the sale, so I'm hoping not a lot of people have already been in and bought out the best colors and fibers. I'm so excited, I can't wait to get out the door. But the store doesn't open for another two hours, and I have another hour before Jane heads to school. So, I'm kind stuck for the time being. I think I'm going to take this time to go through all of the projects in cue, pick out my top picks, and make a note of the weight and yardage of yarn I'll need for each one. But picking just my tops picks is going to be hard!!! :-)
So, before I dash off to take care of peaches, babies, and projects, I wanted to share a thought for the day. "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say 'I used everything you gave me'."--Erma Bombeck
But it's not enough to simply develop talents and use them; we must to put them to good use. What I mean is that those talents are to be used to help someone, even if it's your own family. Our highest calling in this life is to love and support one another, to serve one another. It's what we call friendship. So, I hope to stand before God at the end of my life and say that I have not a single bit of talent left, for I used it all to serve and show my love.
However, after I get the 1 1/2 bushels of peaches sorted (ripe from unripe) I'm heading down to my favorite yarn shop. They're having their annual wool sale, and boy do I have a lot of projects I'd love to make with wool! It's the start of the sale, so I'm hoping not a lot of people have already been in and bought out the best colors and fibers. I'm so excited, I can't wait to get out the door. But the store doesn't open for another two hours, and I have another hour before Jane heads to school. So, I'm kind stuck for the time being. I think I'm going to take this time to go through all of the projects in cue, pick out my top picks, and make a note of the weight and yardage of yarn I'll need for each one. But picking just my tops picks is going to be hard!!! :-)
So, before I dash off to take care of peaches, babies, and projects, I wanted to share a thought for the day. "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say 'I used everything you gave me'."--Erma Bombeck
But it's not enough to simply develop talents and use them; we must to put them to good use. What I mean is that those talents are to be used to help someone, even if it's your own family. Our highest calling in this life is to love and support one another, to serve one another. It's what we call friendship. So, I hope to stand before God at the end of my life and say that I have not a single bit of talent left, for I used it all to serve and show my love.
Monday, September 2, 2013
What I stumble upon--A Discussion in Modesty
More often than not, when I stumble upon something on the internet of a religious or anti-religious nature I tend to ignore it. In fact, I avoid it because the views are too narrow and fail to consider any other perspective, or acknowledge any other 'truth' than the limited version they're telling. These perspectives are 'all-or-nothing', and in the process of listening and accepting these perspectives we lose sight of what's really important. There are too many examples for me to point to them all. But, I've come across a couple of articles--blog posts, really--that have been markedly different. And interestingly enough, they were both about modesty.
The crap that is most prevalent out there surrounding modesty is that women must cover themselves to protect men from seeing them as objects. I could make this entire post a rant about feminism or rape-victim-blaming. I'll try to keep my rant in check by saying just that bottom line, this kind of thinking only spreads disease. The disease of blame-shifting, of belittling women, the very disease that leads to women being treated so badly. This kind of thinking takes responsibility away from men, and places it solely on women's shoulders. Even other women blame the female victim. It is that ingrained in our social psyche. And there really isn't a male to female equivalent, which only furthers sexism. Thus, women are not to be trusted--even amongst ourselves--and somehow deserve to be treated as less than our male counterparts.
What a load of crap!
Any man who loves a woman, be it his wife, daughter, sister, or friend, knows we are not "less than". And yet, even friends I've known for years buy into this horrible lie by accepting that it's the woman's responsibility to dress modestly so the men aren't tempted. They point to studies about the parts of the male brain that are active when seeing a woman in a bikini. (The particular location in the brain that is active is the location associated with identifying objects. But all anyone ever does is read the article and stop there. How many people have continued in the study of the brain? Did you know that the reason you get a queasy feeling anytime you see someone throw up, or maybe even just thinking about it, is because you brain is essentially reliving the last time you did it using what's called mirror neurons? And the parts of the brain you use to kick a ball lit up just now when you read the word kick. I bet that didn't make you hallucinate a ball in front of you, and you didn't just kick into thin air. Yes, there is something somewhat valid to the argument here. But fact of the matter is, while a bikini might make more of men's brains light up the object center, it doesn't do it to all of them, and likewise, a woman could be wearing more than just a bikini and elicit the same response.) As if that alone vindicates men from their bad behavior towards women. Women don't get raped because they were only wearing a bikini.
Why? Because if the root goal is about being seen for who we are, not what we're wearing or what we're driving, we have to teach ourselves and our children to look beyond the material; to see, really see the person before us. We can't do that while shaming that person. We can't do that while judging them. We most certainly can't do that while blaming them. The quickest and easiest way to truly see someone, though not the only way, is to follow God's second law: love thy neighbor as thy self. Why has this gone missing from the collective religious conversation? This basic, simple teaching? If you call yourself Christian, how can you forget this one? It's at the very core of everything! For those of you who aren't Christian, well, the Golden Rule, karma, or whatever serves as your moral compass still applies here. It's part of being a good person.
It's time we stop allowing the conversation to revolve around who is culpable. It's also high time we took the focus for women off of being sexy. There's another topic I could rant for hours about. Girls are taught from such a young age to dress and act sexy. That their value is based on attracting men and garnering popularity. While that was painfully true before the turn of the 20th century, on the whole our culture has been very slow to adopt a more modern view of female value. But I'm going to stop there before I start in on a feminist rant.
Read the posts I linked to. Go back and read them again. Search your feelings, not just the knee-jerk reaction, and learn to see people. If we could all just learn to see one another, we could put an end to conflict--both micro and macro conflicts.
Let us take a page from the pope's book. Let's learn to see our neighbors as friends. Let's serve them, wherever they may be, whenever the opportunity arises. Let us teach our children their value is based on what they bring to the world that makes it a better place; and that it's not based on how many Facebook friends they have. Let's teach the world that human value goes much further than a price tag, whether on clothes, or the person themselves.
The crap that is most prevalent out there surrounding modesty is that women must cover themselves to protect men from seeing them as objects. I could make this entire post a rant about feminism or rape-victim-blaming. I'll try to keep my rant in check by saying just that bottom line, this kind of thinking only spreads disease. The disease of blame-shifting, of belittling women, the very disease that leads to women being treated so badly. This kind of thinking takes responsibility away from men, and places it solely on women's shoulders. Even other women blame the female victim. It is that ingrained in our social psyche. And there really isn't a male to female equivalent, which only furthers sexism. Thus, women are not to be trusted--even amongst ourselves--and somehow deserve to be treated as less than our male counterparts.
What a load of crap!
Any man who loves a woman, be it his wife, daughter, sister, or friend, knows we are not "less than". And yet, even friends I've known for years buy into this horrible lie by accepting that it's the woman's responsibility to dress modestly so the men aren't tempted. They point to studies about the parts of the male brain that are active when seeing a woman in a bikini. (The particular location in the brain that is active is the location associated with identifying objects. But all anyone ever does is read the article and stop there. How many people have continued in the study of the brain? Did you know that the reason you get a queasy feeling anytime you see someone throw up, or maybe even just thinking about it, is because you brain is essentially reliving the last time you did it using what's called mirror neurons? And the parts of the brain you use to kick a ball lit up just now when you read the word kick. I bet that didn't make you hallucinate a ball in front of you, and you didn't just kick into thin air. Yes, there is something somewhat valid to the argument here. But fact of the matter is, while a bikini might make more of men's brains light up the object center, it doesn't do it to all of them, and likewise, a woman could be wearing more than just a bikini and elicit the same response.) As if that alone vindicates men from their bad behavior towards women. Women don't get raped because they were only wearing a bikini.
The real problem here is that we've missed the forest for the trees. Modesty is about a lot more than the clothes we wear. These are among the very few articles I've read that I can really get behind.
http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/
Why? Because if the root goal is about being seen for who we are, not what we're wearing or what we're driving, we have to teach ourselves and our children to look beyond the material; to see, really see the person before us. We can't do that while shaming that person. We can't do that while judging them. We most certainly can't do that while blaming them. The quickest and easiest way to truly see someone, though not the only way, is to follow God's second law: love thy neighbor as thy self. Why has this gone missing from the collective religious conversation? This basic, simple teaching? If you call yourself Christian, how can you forget this one? It's at the very core of everything! For those of you who aren't Christian, well, the Golden Rule, karma, or whatever serves as your moral compass still applies here. It's part of being a good person.
It's time we stop allowing the conversation to revolve around who is culpable. It's also high time we took the focus for women off of being sexy. There's another topic I could rant for hours about. Girls are taught from such a young age to dress and act sexy. That their value is based on attracting men and garnering popularity. While that was painfully true before the turn of the 20th century, on the whole our culture has been very slow to adopt a more modern view of female value. But I'm going to stop there before I start in on a feminist rant.
Read the posts I linked to. Go back and read them again. Search your feelings, not just the knee-jerk reaction, and learn to see people. If we could all just learn to see one another, we could put an end to conflict--both micro and macro conflicts.
Let us take a page from the pope's book. Let's learn to see our neighbors as friends. Let's serve them, wherever they may be, whenever the opportunity arises. Let us teach our children their value is based on what they bring to the world that makes it a better place; and that it's not based on how many Facebook friends they have. Let's teach the world that human value goes much further than a price tag, whether on clothes, or the person themselves.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Saying Goodbye to Our Moth Friend
For the sake of my children's privacy, I think I'm going to give them pseudonyms. Sometimes, trying to explain things with "my second child told my first child. . ." just gets too wordy. So, from here on out we'll just use pseudonyms. My eldest child will be called Lexi, my second will be called Jane, and my baby we'll call Amber. Don't ask me why I've picked these--I really couldn't say.
So, yesterday we had to say goodbye to our little moth friend who has been in residence here for the last month or so. I found him (or her) as a little caterpillar, and a second one, hanging out in an ear of corn. The girls decided if it was a boy it's name was Gus Gus, and if it was a girl it's name was Lily. And by the markings on them, it looked like one was a boy and one was a girl.
Unfortunately, one of them died. Luckily for me, by the time we realized one was gone, the other was wrapped in it's pupa so we couldn't tell which had survived. There were a lot of tears as the girls learned one was gone; and it was hotly debated which it was. I did my best to explain things to them and try to help them see the positive side. We had managed to keep one alive, and that one was going to turn into a beautiful butterfly (or so we thought).
The surviving caterpillar remained in it's pupa for a couple of weeks. The girls would check on it every few days to make sure it was still in there. I began to worry it might have died as we stretched into the third week. But then, the other night, the pupa seemed to have moved location in the mesh container without anyone having gone near it. Of course, I had no way to know for sure if anyone had touched it, but seeing that gave me hope that the 'butterfly' was still alive and might emerge soon.
Yesterday morning, I went to check on the pupa and couldn't find it. I did find, however, a spot of creamy white on the bottom of the container! I started searching for the little guy, expecting a butterfly and found our beautiful little moth!
I told the girls we could wait for Daddy to get home before we released him. Of course, Jane began having a melt down over that idea. Huge tears welled up in her eyes as she panicked at the thought of having to say goodbye. (This has been common lately. She's even been crying over my sister, who lives a block away, having to go home.) I tried to explain to her that it wasn't fair to keep him when he deserved to be free and belonged outside. I also told her that she had the rest of the day to see him and admire him.
After dinner, it came time to say our goodbyes. Jane started getting teary again. Again, I explained that he needed to be free. I had my hubby grab the camera and we all went outside to wish our little friend farewell. You can't see it in this picture, but he's fuzzy underneath. And his second set of wings has beautiful spots on them. Lexi noticed he has green eyes, the color of new leaves.
As I was holding him, he began vibrating--right about the time this picture was taken. It was almost like a buzzing sensation. He just sat there, humming. Jane wanted to hold him, but as she came near he hopped off my finger and fluttered to my husband's shoe, and then to the grass nearby. He vibrated as he held on to that blade of grass for just a few seconds before leaping into the air, circling us once before flying away. Remarkably, Jane just giggled and called one last goodbye. Lexi, in her matter-of-fact way, just said he was going to be free and fly now.
I'd like to think the lack of tears was a very good sign that Jane is learning how to cope with sad feelings. I've been concerned lately at how very little it takes for her to go into a full melt-down. She's very sensitive and gets attached to things and people quickly and deeply. I want her to understand how to express those emotions in healthy ways; that while it's normal to have these feelings, melt-downs don't help her or the situation. This experience, I think, was good for her.
So, in honor of our little friend, here is a little bit of tatting based on a drawing by Elaine Phyllis Gan. This is my own pattern based on her idea. You can seen little butterflies, or moths ;-) , floating along.
So the next time you see a little cream-colored moth, remember to say hi to Gus Gus and Lily.
So, yesterday we had to say goodbye to our little moth friend who has been in residence here for the last month or so. I found him (or her) as a little caterpillar, and a second one, hanging out in an ear of corn. The girls decided if it was a boy it's name was Gus Gus, and if it was a girl it's name was Lily. And by the markings on them, it looked like one was a boy and one was a girl.
Unfortunately, one of them died. Luckily for me, by the time we realized one was gone, the other was wrapped in it's pupa so we couldn't tell which had survived. There were a lot of tears as the girls learned one was gone; and it was hotly debated which it was. I did my best to explain things to them and try to help them see the positive side. We had managed to keep one alive, and that one was going to turn into a beautiful butterfly (or so we thought).
The surviving caterpillar remained in it's pupa for a couple of weeks. The girls would check on it every few days to make sure it was still in there. I began to worry it might have died as we stretched into the third week. But then, the other night, the pupa seemed to have moved location in the mesh container without anyone having gone near it. Of course, I had no way to know for sure if anyone had touched it, but seeing that gave me hope that the 'butterfly' was still alive and might emerge soon.
Yesterday morning, I went to check on the pupa and couldn't find it. I did find, however, a spot of creamy white on the bottom of the container! I started searching for the little guy, expecting a butterfly and found our beautiful little moth!
After dinner, it came time to say our goodbyes. Jane started getting teary again. Again, I explained that he needed to be free. I had my hubby grab the camera and we all went outside to wish our little friend farewell. You can't see it in this picture, but he's fuzzy underneath. And his second set of wings has beautiful spots on them. Lexi noticed he has green eyes, the color of new leaves.
As I was holding him, he began vibrating--right about the time this picture was taken. It was almost like a buzzing sensation. He just sat there, humming. Jane wanted to hold him, but as she came near he hopped off my finger and fluttered to my husband's shoe, and then to the grass nearby. He vibrated as he held on to that blade of grass for just a few seconds before leaping into the air, circling us once before flying away. Remarkably, Jane just giggled and called one last goodbye. Lexi, in her matter-of-fact way, just said he was going to be free and fly now.
I'd like to think the lack of tears was a very good sign that Jane is learning how to cope with sad feelings. I've been concerned lately at how very little it takes for her to go into a full melt-down. She's very sensitive and gets attached to things and people quickly and deeply. I want her to understand how to express those emotions in healthy ways; that while it's normal to have these feelings, melt-downs don't help her or the situation. This experience, I think, was good for her.
So, in honor of our little friend, here is a little bit of tatting based on a drawing by Elaine Phyllis Gan. This is my own pattern based on her idea. You can seen little butterflies, or moths ;-) , floating along.
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